Usually, the first thing that attracts a man to a woman is her beauty. God made males to admire an attractive female—her angelic voice, the gentle curves of her body, and the softness of her touch. Moses acknowledged that the men of Israel would “see among the captives a beautiful woman” and then “desire to take her” for his wife (Dt 21:11).

Guys want women to be beautiful and women want to look beautiful. South Africa spends R10 million annually just on female hair products. The Bible usually speaks about a lady’s beauty in positive terms, presenting it as a blessing from God. Here are some examples:

• Rachel. “Rachel was beautiful in form and appearance” (Gn. 29:17). 
• Queen Vashti. “Queen Vashti…was lovely to look at” (Est. 1:11). 
• Sarai. “You are a woman beautiful in appearance” (Gn. 12:11). 
• Abigail. “The woman was discerning and beautiful” (1Sm. 25:3). 
• Tamar. “She was a beautiful woman” (2Sm. 14:27). 
• Esther. “The young woman had a beautiful figure and was lovely to look at” (Est. 2:7). 
• Job’s daughters. “In all the land there were no women so beautiful as Job’s daughters.” (Job 42:15).
• Solomon’s wife. “Arise, my love, my beautiful one…your face is lovely” (SS. 2:13-14; 4:7). 

It’s not wrong to desire a beautiful wife. But didn’t George Whitefield, one of the greatest preachers since Paul, advice against marrying a pretty woman? Yes, he did. He said: “I would not have a woman with beauties… she must be one who is dead to the world, and alive unto God.” But Whitefield’s own marriage was far from conventional. He married a widow ten years his senior and their marriage was marked by long separations and personal tragedy. Moreover, Whitefield failed to see that it’s possible to be beautiful and godly, like Abigail and the wife in Song of Solomon. 

Eliezer could see that Rebekah was attractive. She is called “very beautiful” (v. 16), literally meaning she was good to look at. Guys couldn’t stop staring at her. It’s important for a wife to be attractive to her husband so that he can honestly tell her what she wants to hear: “You are beautiful!” Solomon said to his wife: “You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you” (SS 4:7). This made her heart thump.

Though beauty may be the first item that attracts a man, it’s her character that he must prize above all. There are four reasons for this. First, physical beauty will eventually fade but beauty in the heart will only grow (Pr. 31:30). Second, physical beauty can be found in the most wicked of woman, resembling lipstick on a pig (Pr. 11:22). Third, physical beauty can easily lead to pride. Rarely will you find a humble, soft-spoken supermodel (Ez. 28:17). Fourth, physical beauty can easily pull a man into immorality (Pr. 6:25). 

So young men should prize the beauty of the heart far more than the beauty of a woman’s face or figure. He must pray for and then pursue a woman with character. No virtue is greater than a teachable spirit because with it there are no spiritual heights a woman cannot attain. “Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; teach a righteous man, and he will increase in learning” (Pr. 9:9). Other virtues to pursue in a future wife are wisdom, a thirst for Scripture, industriousness, a love for children, and kindness. Humble ladies make great spouses. Spurgeon said that the wife that loves the looking-glass hates the saucepan.

Though a husband should prize character most, it’s also important he finds her attractive, not just pre-marriage but for the decades that follow. A husband should never say: “A wife is either beautiful or ugly. There’s nothing I can do about it.” This is not true. A husband can do many things to help his wife look beautiful. 

First, he must stay faithful to her. If he does, the chances are high that she’ll work hard to keep herself looking good. A wife often stops caring for herself physically when she’s lost the interest of her husband. 

Second, he must help her become holy. By being washed in the Scriptures (Eph. 5:26), she becomes a woman with “imperishable beauty” (1Pt. 3:4), which also affects the way she looks. Proverbs 15:13 says: “A glad heart makes a happy face; a broken heart crushes the spirit.”

Third, he must complement her. A wife puts greater effort into her looks if she knows her husband cares and notices. In the book of Songs, Solomon couldn’t stop telling his bride how gorgeous she looked.

Fourth, he must keep himself in shape. A wife is less likely to work hard at beauty if her husband is overweight. Paul said a little physical training is good (1Tm. 4:8). 

Fifth, he must work hard. Godly women work hard, but a man who overworks his wife will quickly see her beauty fade. Women easily stress over finances, so a husband should labour and sweat to provide for his home and in doing this, he’ll be helping his wife stay beautiful. 

Sixth, he mustn’t compare her to others. Job said he made a covenant with his eyes not to look with lust upon another woman (Job 31:1). Wives will give up when they see their husbands have eyes for another. 

Summary: Godly young men should take notice of a woman’s beauty but prize her character far more.