There’s a difference between courting and dating. Courting is purposeful dating. Couples often date just for fun or pleasure, while the purpose of courting is to find a spouse. Courting also involves the parents, whereas dating is more independent.
In Genesis 24, notice how often the parents are involved. From the start, Eliezer seeks them out. He quickly asks about her parents (v. 23) and she swiftly connects herself to her father (v. 24). Parents and siblings were involved from start to finish (vv. 28-50). On behalf of Abraham and Isaac, Eliezer asks permission from Rebekah’s parents to pursue her (v.49).
Contrast this with both Western and African culture today. Many couples in the West ignore parental approval during the courtship/dating process. In Tsonga culture, the man commonly does not speak to the parents until the time of lobola. It looks something like the following:
- Vonani starts calling Shiluva on the phone (father not involved).
- Vonani makes Shiluva his girlfriend (father not involved).
- Vonani starts living with Shiluva (father not involved).
- Vonani has a child with Shiluva (father not involved).
- Vonani wants to pay lobola for Shiluva (father, mother, aunts, uncles, neighbors involved).
In both cultures it is common for girls to date boys and the parents know little about it. This opposes Scripture, which demands that fathers protect their daughters.
- Fathers should protect their daughters from bad relationships (Gn. 31:50).
- Fathers should protect their daughters from physical harm (Gn. 19:12-17).
- Fathers should protect their daughters from making bad decisions (Num. 30:3-5).
Lot and David failed as fathers, in part, because they did not protect their daughters sexually (Gn. 19:8, 2Sm.13:6-14). Fathers should take months, if not years, to vet, study, and disciple the character of the young man pursuing his daughter. And the young man should honor the father with words similar to this: “Sir, I’ve noticed your daughter for some time and have enjoyed observing her from afar. May I have your permission to pursue a formal relationship with her?”
Summary: Godly young men should seek parental approval before pursuing a relationship with a lady.