–– Paul Schlehlein
Marriage was once considered a natural step into adulthood, a milestone eagerly attained in one’s early 20s. Not anymore. South Africa’s Department of Statistics says that the nation’s approach to marriage has been evolving for decades, challenging the notion that youth is the prime time for matrimony.
South Africa has the oldest average age in Africa for first marriage—33 years old (35 for men and 31 for women). This is one of the oldest ages for first marriage in the world, with Spain in first place (40 years old! Madre Mia!). What is causing this? We can’t blame delayed marriage solely on African culture, as nine of the thirteen countries yielding the youngest first marriages are also in Africa, around 21 to 22 years old.
Causes
I would like to suggest six chief causes for delayed marriage in South Africa (some of which have bled into the church) and then offer some solutions.
First, fornication is a widespread cause for delayed matrimony. The common practice of sex before marriage today has removed one of the man’s chief reasons for taking a wife. Many women think that giving their boyfriends what they want will make them more desirable for marriage. The opposite is true. Women who refuse sex before marriage increase their chances for a wedding because it demands commitment for something men really desire. The apostle Paul said: “But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion (1 Cor. 7:9). In the past, the best way to control sexual desire was going to the front of a church, not to the back of a car.
A second but similar cause is pornography. The ubiquitous use of pornography has given youth an escape hatch for sexual fulfilment, making marriage less necessary—at least in their eyes. Of the most popular websites visited in South Africa in August of 2026, two of the top 10 were porn sites, representing over 50 million views. These sites were more popular than Instagram, X, WhatsApp, and TikTok.
A third cause is the media’s portrayal of marriage. Look at the nation’s top-viewed TV programs (like the popular soapie Uzalo), and one can quickly conclude that today’s society praises fornication, polygamy, homosexuality, divorce, and deceit. It also denigrates traditional monogamous marriage. Instead, listen to Charlie Kirk, who said: “The happiest women…are married with children. The unhappiest are unmarried without children. Get married and have babies.”
Fourth is materialism. Feminism encourages a woman to resist her natural impulse for a family and instead urges her to seek a career and wealth. This delays marriage but rarely children, who she sends off to be raised by the grandmother. Many women, in search of a big paycheck, work long hours in a job they hate so they can afford to send their children off to day care.
Fifth, delayed marriage underestimates the difficulty of overcoming bad habits. A man or woman who married late in life will find it difficult to change their bad habits. By the time they reach their late thirties, they are often not as attractive in character and appearance, and often reluctant to adjust.
A final cause would be bad examples in marriage. Many singles have only witnessed abuse and hate between their parents and thus wish to view marriage with suspicion and, at times, desire to avoid it at all costs.
Solutions
Not all singles remain unmarried for sinful reasons. Some are single for the kingdom’s sake. Others are living righteously and want to be married in God’s good time. The church should encourage them in their desire for marriage, pray for godly spouses, and point to the many ways that singles can make their lives count for Christ (1 Cor. 7:32-34).
But for those who are sinfully delaying marriage, the church should respond by highlighting the opposites of the problems. First, God’s people should urge singles to resist sex before marriage, highlight the passages that forbid it (Ex. 22:16-17, Jn. 8:41, 1 Cor. 6:18) and then commend physical intimacy as an excellent motivation to tie the knot.
Second, the church should encourage their singles to guard their eyes from pornography by not gazing lustfully upon a virgin (Job 31:1) and warn against the inevitable progression of addiction, escalation, desensitisation, and action that will come if the sin is not mortified. Married men should encourage younger single men to be open about their struggles in this area and provide legitimate ways to overcome it.
Third, the church should model godly marriages for their youth. Husbands should love, cherish, romance, compliment, support, lead, and defend their wives. Women should submit to, follow, and help their husbands by caring for the home and promoting his success. A healthy church is a place where the young singles say: “I can’t wait to enjoy a happy marriage like Mr and Mrs Nkosi” or “My greatest prayer is that God gives me a huge family, like the Jones clan.”
Finally, the church should gather singles in a place where they can receive answers to their most common questions. These queries include: “How can I get married if I don’t have a stable job yet?” “What if I can’t afford the bride price?” “If we both have to work, who will raise the children?” “How do I know if she’s the right one?” “How do I overcome the pressure to earn a degree and gain independence?” “Is it valid to cohabitate first as a kind of test run?” Churches should be ready to answer these questions and also be prepared to send their singles to young adult conferences like South Africa’s Resolution Conference aimed at teaching these very truths.
The audio version of this article is available here: YouTube, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify.