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First a story. Anthony Norris Groves, his wife, and children survived innumerable tragedies while living as missionaries in Bagdad, Iraq in the 1800s, including a terrible plague that killed tens of thousands and a flood that destroyed many homes and killed thousands more. They also endured the hatred of the locals. One might think that his children became embittered at their parents. Maybe they would despise the God their parents came to serve.

The opposite is true. The two children that endured the tragedies in Bagdad had the strongest walk with the Lord. The two children that came after the terrible trials did not enjoy such a close walk with the Lord. Why is this? Robert Dann, author of Anthony Norris Groves’ biography writes:

“As we look back on the lives of the brothers, we might wonder how it was that Henry and Frank, who suffered all the physical horrors of Bagdad, grew up so sane, balanced and, we might almost say, conventional–whilst Edward, who had a common place, private-school upbringing (like any other Victorian boy with parents overseas), should turn out so strangely.

“The reason may lie in the fact that Henry and Frank faced the horrors of Bagdad with their father and mother, secure in their parents’ love and affection, whist Edward, feeling uncared for and abandoned, suffered the horrors of Tusculum on his own. Experience shows that a child needs the love of his parents (or substitute parents) more than anything else. Assured of it, he can face almost any adversity; deprive of it, he may be left with scars that never heal.” (p. 347, Father of Faith Missions)

As I thought about that story, I could almost hear the groans of our modern day elites, crying: “What have children? Why force them to endure such terrible events? And if you are to have children, why have so many? Four? Six? Eight? Ten? Is it all so necessary? I had a friend recently ask me where my wife received encouragement and fortitude while raising so many children? He had grown up in a large family and was used to strange looks from others?

We’ll try to answer that question in a few ways today.

Karni

Thank you, for the introduction, brother. I can totally understand such odd looks. Big families are considered freaks in our day and age and those who desire big families are thought to be antiquated and backward. Where do you source your encouragement?

Paul

The first way I would answer this is that it is important that the husband and wife are on the same page on this matter of having lots of children. You might think the husband and wife “seeing eye to eye” on the matter of having many children would be common, but sadly it is not.

In small families, often one spouse wanted more and in large families, one spouse may have wanted less. I get much of my “encouragement” from my wife because we are in lock step on this matter. We’re not giving each other evil eyes when one of the children act up or when there is an unexpected bill to pay. Part of this has come through my shepherding of her soul and communicating to her through word and deed that children are a great blessing. 

Karni

Okay next, please explain what exactly is a big family? How do we define that? Because many would consider that a relative term. 

Paul

This would actually lead into another source of my encouragement for having a big family and that would be Scripture. Define big family? What exactly is a big family? We really don’t have a large family at all, unless you compare it to a very small slice of world history, as in 2023 America.

If you compared us to the genealogies in 1 Chronicles, a people that had far less conveniences than we do, we actually have a somewhat small family. It reminds me of a guy that came up to me after I spoke at Grace Community Church. Earlier it had been announced that I was the father of eight and all the young college and career in the room went, “ooooh.” But when this young man approached me afterwards (I think he was one of 14 kids) he looked at me unimpressed, as if to say, why such a small family?

The more I read the Bible, the more I’m convinced we’re on the right track and will never regret this. Voddie Bauchum’s wife tied the tubes after two and the surgery couldn’t be reversed. The story is one of pain and regret I don’t want to experience. This in part explains why grandparents are so over the moon with their grandkids. They’re wiser and now know what a blessing children are. They wished they’d have had more. But now it’s too late. 

Karni

You know, of late I’ve wondered if grandparents are the way they are about children because at the end of their lives they’ve realised what really matters the most in life. Thank you, for helping develop that pattern of thought. 

Are there any ‘’big family men,’ that you look up to?

Paul

There are, and this is another source of encouragement. Many of the authors and Christians I respect most have large families. This encourages me. Missionaries are known for having large families. No surprise. They’re also know for being the most dedicated Christians. I think Bach had 20 children, and his home was known for being among the happiest in the town. William Gouge the Puritan has written much on the family. Many of the Puritans make me want to have even more kids. Susanna Wesely was the wife of a pastor, mother of 19 children, including the great Charles and John Wesley. I listened to John Wesley Journals recently and there’s a section in there where she lays out her rules for raising children. Outstanding. Those rules alone were worth the price of the book.

Karni

You know, brother, in most cases, I think being on a list together with those renowned names you mentioned would mean that you’ve found yourself in good company. 

But, in our day, needless to say, there are fear-mongers and nay-sayers. As we mentioned earlier, people with big families are considered freaks. 

Who would you say are the big enemies of big families…?

Paul

There are many but the more they criticize the more I’m actually encouraged. For example, the more I read anti-family sites like stophavingkids.org (no kidding, this is actaully the name of the site), the more encouraged I become. What a place of despair. Feminists and pagans that promote such godlessness as annihilating the fruit of the womb don’t pull me to their side. We look at them and say: “We need to raise up a horde of troublemakers for Jesus’ sake. Let us have more kids.” I think of the blessings of kids when reading the story of Esau going out to meet Jacob in Genesis 33. “And when Esau lifted up his eyes and saw the women and children, he said, “Who are these with you?” Jacob said, “The children whom God has graciously given your servant.”

Karni

I’m delighted at your stubborn determination to use the naysayers’ opinions as wind under your wings to continue. 

Can you point us to any authors in this regard?

Paul

Yes, there are several modern authors who convey great love for children I’m after. In the past, they were easier to find because they so often had big families. Even Charles Spurgeon, who had just his twin boys, wrote a great book on children called, Come Ye Children. Today, I really appreciate men like Anthony Eslolen, Doug Wilson, and Michael Foster and the books that they write.

Karni

Parting words

Paul

Finally, a father must labor daily to make his home, regardless of the size, a happy one. He’s the leader. I don’t buy the “as the mother goes, so goes the home”. That’s not biblical. I’m not vague with my children as to the glories of having lots of kids one day. I know there’s a good chance several of them will not be capable, but if they are, there is no greater joy. But I cannot merely SAY that children are a blessing. I must show it by making the home warm and full of bliss. I want to make my sons and daughters jealous to one day have what we have. Contra many homes where the children only look back with bitterness at the huge home of chaos they grew up in. 

I think it was RFK Jr., of all people, who said recently that he doesn’t care what other people think about him. He’s got seven kids that love him. I feel the same. I have a wife and 8 children that think I’m the greatest in the world. 

This is not a diatribe to promote having as many children as you possibly can. I understand there are many factors at play, and some of them may be good reasons to limit children. But when it comes to the number, I heard a pastor gives some good advice. Have more than you think you can handle.