–– Andrew Zekveld

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A legal marriage certificate, or a traditional marriage based on the customs of a particular people group, has historically provided the criteria for when two single individuals become a married couple.

Of late though, there seems to be an increase of critical thought about the legal or traditional requirements of the marriage moment. This concern is certainly justified in light of the world’s increasing hostility towards Biblical marriage. The world is tenaciously holding onto the concept of marriage, but using it to describe the unions between homosexuals, transgender individuals, and even, as in the 2006 Sudanese case, between a human and an animal.

The question that demands some clarity is: “What makes a person married?” Or, as Christians sometimes phrase it, “When is a couple married in God’s eyes?”

Are the legal definitions the only criteria for getting married?

Case Study: South African Law

The South African law, for example, still includes the Biblical definition of marriage in terms of monogamous, heterosexual, adult persons, but then extends the definition to include polygamous, homosexual, and non-binary persons. It has become the only country in the world allowing both polygamous and same-sex marriages. The result of such modifications is that, in South Africa, you can get married by any one of three different laws, the one being historical marriage (Marriage Act of 1961), the other traditional marriage (Customary Marriages Act of 1998), and the third being a mere civil union (Civil Union Act of 2006). As an unofficial fourth option, religious marriages, especially for Muslims and Hindus, are recognised and receive some legal protection too.

In the “White Paper on Marriages in South Africa” of 5 May 2022 the requirements for marriage are little more than consensus between the persons, an age of at least eighteen years old, and an undertaking to fulfil the reciprocal financial, emotional, psychological, and physical rights of one another. The Department of Home Affairs further requires a licenced marriage officer and two witnesses to conduct the ceremony in a religious building, or in an office or home with the doors open.

Is that the only checklist for getting married? Well, legally speaking, yes, and every country in our continent has laws of a similar nature. 

Foundational Principles

But for Christians, there is thankfully a lot more to be said regarding the requirements for marriage. Though human government exists to uphold God’s Law, it appears that human government does very little to uphold the honour due to marriage as God designed it.

Before proposing the list of requirements that make a couple “married in God’s eyes”, let’s remind ourselves of two foundational principles that undergird our stability for such a tumultuous topic, especially as it involves the intersection of Divine design and human law.

First, Christians hold marriage in exceptional honour. Hebrews 13:4 requires all mankind to honour marriage, but only we who know the Creator and believe the Scriptures can truly do so. We hold marriage in honour in our own practice of sexuality and marriage, but also in the way we think about marriage. We do not sink down to some minimalistic legal requirement for getting married, nor do we roam about in some broad inclusivity of marriage that removes any workable definition of marriage. Rather, we exploit all God’s graces and resources to promote the sanctity and virtue of marriage.

The second foundational principle to answer the question of “When is a person married?” is that we, being Christians, also honour human government. Though not to the same degree as our honour of marriage, we know, and are very grateful, for God’s provision of human government inasmuch as it upholds what is right and prosecutes that which is evil (Romans 13). 

As an example, we do not set aside the legal marriage requirement simply because of social trends that expand the definition of marriage into unBiblical indulgences. Instead, since the Biblical definition of marriage is still included, we thank God for the legally enforceable protection that it provides married individuals in the case of marital infidelity.

Biblical Requirements for Marriage

Maintaining, therefore, an exceptionally high view of marriage, and an appropriately high view of human government, here are the Biblical requirements for getting married. May all those pursuing marriage consider these very carefully.

First is the requirement of the correct persons. Genesis 1 and 2 affirm that the number and gender of marital candidates is one male and one female. 1 Corinthians 7:39 affirms that both must either be Christians, or both be non-Christians.

The second requirement is that of covenant promises and witnesses. This is not a reference to a signed nuptial contract, but rather a promise to uphold and fulfil God’s design and requirements for marriage. Malachi 2:14 speaks of your spouse as yours “by covenant”, and passages like Song of Solomon 8, Ephesians 5, and 1 Corinthians 7 reveal the permanent nature and regular obligations of that covenant. As part of the covenant of marriage, the testimony of witnesses is also required.

Third, in order to get married, is the requirement of clear publicity. Hebrews 13:4 requires everyone to think highly of marriage, Song of Solomon employs a choir to publicly praise marriage, and the presence of witnesses certainly removes any secrecy and obscurity from the step of getting married. In Psalm 19 the overt and universal testimony of God’s natural revelation is exalted, and the one illustration is the rather public, beaming face of the bridegroom getting married. 

Fourth, and perhaps the most flamboyant of requirements for marriage is the celebration party. This does not need to ruin the couple financially, but as with clear publicity, marriage, when held in honour, will receive the highest form of earthly celebration. Compared to the celebrated events of your birthday reminder, academic achievements, and work accomplishments, the book of Ecclesiastes shines the spotlight on marriage as the only temporal thing that does not have some inherent dissatisfaction but rather brings meaningful significance to earthly life. A culture of celebration honours that marriage reality.

Lastly, to be married requires civil paperwork. The government might have no jurisdiction on marriage, but it does on paperwork and it certainly does have a responsibility to protect the innocent and prosecute the guilty when God’s design of marriage is broken (Romans 13). To some degree, our customary and civil marriages reflect these various requirements. Pray for laws that protect the Divine ethic for marriage, but in the meantime, employ what legal recourse there is to hold marriage in honour. 

These requirements define the standard of honour that we must hold marriage to.

Redeeming Broken Marriages

Sadly though, because of sin, and the Curse, marriage has become messy and ungodly. Countless marital scenarios exist that fall short of many of these requirements. Many married individuals were mournfully ignorant of these requirements when they got married.

In Matthew 19, our Lord Jesus reveals that, because of the effect of sin and the Curse, various concessions have been made to our practice of marriage. 1 Corinthians 7 reveals a string of complicating “what if” questions about marriage. Thankfully, it also offers practical advice for Christians seeking to honour marriage in a context of sin and brokenness. 

Though we have, and still do, fall short of the honour that marriage deserves, let us not neglect the significance of these requirements for marriage. They provide a trajectory to those pursuing marriage, as well as to those already married, to restore marriage to its God-designed honour.