–– Paul Schlehlein
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The Black Tax has become such a pervasive issue in South Africa over the past several decades that books like Handle Black Tax Like a Pro have become a thing.
High earning blacks feel such a heavy duty to provide for lesser privileged family members that they often feel lost at sea as to how much and to whom they are bound to give. In this series we’ve observed pertinent biblical passages that address this issue.
Three Central Passages
By way of review, we’ve seen that the key Old Testament passage addressing the Black Tax is the Fifth Commandment in Exodus 20:12: “Honour your father and mother.”
Whereas the first four commandments emphasize loving God, the final six highlight loving our neighbour. “Honour” to parents conveys respect to superiors, meaning inequality makes “honour” possible.
Small children express reverence to parents primarily through obedience. As they age, honour begins to take a new form, obeying less and expressing gratitude more—often through financial support. This means when Johnny is little, he honours his parents by eating all his dinner. When Johnny is an adult, he may honour his parents by buying them dinner.
The three central passages on helping aging parents financially are 2 Corinthians 12:14, 1 Timothy 5:4-8, and Mark 7:11. We’ll employ all of these when addressing the following hard cases.
Hard Cases
1. “My children are wealthy and I’m just surviving. May I demand they help me financially?”
While adult children carry the responsibility to help meet the financial needs of Dad and Mom, the general rule is that parents provide for their children. Second Corinthians 12:14 says, “For children are not obligated to save up for their parents, but parents for their children.”
In this passage, Paul presents himself as the parent, refusing the financial support of his children (the Corinthians). He is responsible for them and not vice versa. Paul cared for them (1Co. 4:14), fathered them (4:15), loved them (11:1), sacrificed for them (12:15) and won them to Christ (10:14).
Paul didn’t want to burden the Corinthians by taking their support (2Cor. 11:9). In fact, he adamantly refused their money. What mattered most to Paul was their spiritual change. Parents must be careful not to pressure their children for financial gifts. This is an easy way to tarnish their relationship. Instead, like Paul, they should care most about their godliness and, like Job, pray consistently for their adult children (Job 1:5).
2. “What if I honestly have no money to support my parents?”
The church should step in during cases when children and grandchildren cannot meet the financial needs of parents. First Timothy 5:5 calls this person “truly a widow”. But church care should be the last resort.
Moreover, children and grandchildren who can’t support financially their elderly family members still have a duty to care for their spiritual and emotional needs. For example, since Jim is unemployed, he’ll have ample time to wash grandpa’s windows and cut the lawn for his father.
3. “Must I support extended family members?”
First Timothy 5 references financial provision for “relatives” (v. 8), implying aunts, uncles, and grandparents. However, it gives special attention to “members of his own household”—that is, those under his own roof. This suggests that the nuclear family (father, mother, brother, and sister) gets the chief focus for financial assistance.
4. “Are old age homes an option for Christians?”
Ideally, children should provide a place in their own home for their aging parents. This is not only a mark of honor but a privilege to care for one’s parents in ways they were once cared for themselves.
But caring for parents isn’t a game of checkers—it can be a rough, exhausting, and complicated endeavor. Since we don’t live in a perfect world, sometimes old-age homes are the only option. Sadly, these lodgings carry bad reputations because they often mistreat the patients.
But there are also times when it is the best option for both the child and the parent because of the medical care they can provide. It’s important the children help Mom and Dad make the wisest decision and support them financially, emotionally and spiritually even if they live apart.
5. “Must I support a dead-beat parent?”
Suppose Mary’s father walked out on his infant daughter. Now he wants assistance in her adulthood. What should she do? This situation has no easy answer and will take much wisdom (Jms. 1:5).
On the one hand, honour is due to parents regardless of character. Caring for undeserving parents also pictures the gospel. On the other hand, if the church in 1 Timothy 5:5-6 factors in character when supporting a widow, it makes sense that a child is wise to do the same thing.
6. “Is it wrong for parents to live with adult children?”
Not usually. Genesis 2:24 does not forbid multigenerational living arrangements. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
Instead, it teaches that a new family unit has been formed, where the couple’s chief earthly allegiance is to each other, not to parents. This is best experienced in separate living arrangements, but not always. If possible, the ageing parent should be given as much independence as possible, even when they cannot fully care for themselves.
7. “What if I prayed about it and don’t feel led to support my parents?”
God never contradicts His word. God hates pious pretense. Jesus rebuked children that used religious jargon and loopholes to abandon their financial duties to parents (Mk. 7:11).
Conclusion
Exodus 20:12 demands that children honour their parents, especially in their father and mother’s twilight years. Standing above other passages, 2 Corinthians 12:14, 1 Timothy 5:4-8 and Mark 7:11 show children how they can support their parents financially in way that pleases Christ.