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For every argument in favor of lobola, its opponents have arguments against it. Here are some of the most common disagreements:
Some view lobola as nothing different than purchasing a car or cell phone. In modern society, because money has replaced cows regarding the payment of lobola, some say it makes the woman feel as though she is being purchased.
But some reject this argument, saying that in African languages, there are separate words for purchasing an item and paying the bride price. This proves that the woman is not being bought and sold.
Many are still unconvinced. The thinking is that if Chanda has to work a full year (or two or five) to “pay” for his wife, then we should not be surprised when Chanda treats her like property, treats her with less respect, and treats her as though she owes him something. “I don’t owe you anything,” he says. “I paid!”
Marriage is delayed because the man is often unable to raise the proper funds. But when lobola is delayed (thus delaying the “marriage”), what happens most often in African relationships is not celibacy until marriage. It may be taboo and disrespectful to avoid paying lobola in marriage, but sadly, it is often not taboo and disrespectful to cohabitate or have children before the wedding.
Take a young man named Sifiso, for example. He’s 25 years old. His girlfriend, Mudiwa, is 24 years old. They want to get married immediately, because (1) they love each other, (2) they want to avoid the temptation to fornicate, (3) Sifiso just finished university and his internship and he needs a helper badly in his life and (4) they want to begin having children. The last point is significant. A woman’s chief years of fertility are between her late teens and late 20’s. By age 30, her ability to get pregnant starts to decline. They are already half-way between Mudiwa’s chief years of fertility and they don’t want to delay any longer.
But there’s a problem: lobola. One website, www.theworld.org, says that the average lobola in Gauteng, South Africa, is 12 cows or R82,000. But this was in 2015, meaning the average lobola today is nearing R100,000.
This is the lobola price Sifiso must pay. The problem is that he has little money, not because he’s lazy or poor with his funds. It is because he just finished school. He just began his career. He’s just trying to make ends meet. It will take years before Sifiso can come up with the R100k for the lobola. So the “marriage” is delayed because the families would be offended if they married without any lobola. But sadly, it is often less of a problem if Sifiso and Mary begin having kids before lobola.
There’s even a lobola website where you can get a general quote of what lobola should cost. It is interesting that they ask questions about education, job status, life skills, virginity and future goals. All of these items factor into the price. Ironically, the more character a man or woman may have (they work hard, they have a job, they’re well educated, they are virgins), the higher the price of lobola and thus, the chances of a delayed marriage are higher. Virtue should bring marriage closer. Sadly, it often pushes it further away.
Lobola could encourage families to view the daughters as a means to financial gain. In 2009, when I visited the Comorian Islands off the coast of Tanzania, I was surprised to hear how popular it was to have daughters. This was primarily because of the bride price these girls would bring to the family in the future.
Lest one think that Africans are unanimous in their approval of lobola, one should look no further than the International Conference on Bride Price, a gathering in Uganda devoted entirely to this particular issue, many in attendance of whom were in strict opposition. According to them, in some impoverished places in the Africa, it is not uncommon to marry-off underage daughters, sometimes as young as 13.
Young couples just starting out in marriage now face an uphill climb to get out of financial difficulty brought about by high lobola prices.
Consider the example of Sifiso above. He may choose to prolong the marriage until he saves the money. Or he may choose to take out a large loan and get married right away. This will severely hamper his marriage because finances are among the chief causes of divorce. Marriage is difficult to begin with, especially a new marriage.
Adding to this the strain of interest rates and paying off large debts will only bring damage to the marriage. What Sifiso needs to do, according to Deuteronomy 24:5, is spend as much time with Mudiwa as he can. What he shouldn’t do is add another moonlighting job so he can pay off the debt, which is what lobola could encourage him to do.
The groom often feels bitterness toward his bride or her parents because of the excessive bride price fees. Or there might be bitterness within the wife toward the husband and his parents because she cannot leave a bad marriage. She fears she must then return the bride price.
So the sword of Damocles is always over the marriage. The lobola is never paid off to the parents, so they hold that over the groom. And the wife must be on her best behavior, or a dispute may cause the husband to call for the lobola back and divorce.
For many Africans, ‘vat-en-sit’ marriages can be quite common. This phrase is Afrikaans for “take and sit down” and refers to cohabitation outside of marriage.
Lobola prices may discourage marriage for many couples but sadly, it often doesn’t discourage pre-marital sex. For many parents, this is less concerning than a man not paying the proper bride price. I have heard stories of parents blocking the weddings of cohabiting couples because the groom has not completed paying the bride price.
In Botswana and Namibia, more than 70 percent of first births occur before marriage. The age for first marriages is on the rise in sub-Saharan Africa, but pre-marital births among sub-Sahara women remains in the high teens and low twenties.
More specifically, marriage based on marriage only could make marriage easier to sever. Among the weaknesses of lobola—and to the surprise of many—is that some governments in African countries do not recognize lobola itself as equivalent to marriage. According to Manyike, lobolaitself is not marriage, but instead a part of the process of getting married under customary law—the law stipulating a legal union under customary marriage must be between an 18+ year old man and woman being married under customary law.
“It is very important to celebrate the customary marriage after lobola negotiations have been concluded. By merely paying or receiving lobola in full without the requisite celebration, the marriage is not concluded in accordance with customary law, and therefore considered invalid.”
But if the marriage process stops merely at the transfer of gifs, there are potential problems according to Manyike:
The problem is that the only proof you may have that some form of union existed is the lobola letter, and this alone may not be sufficient to prove that a customary marriage existed. When the legality of the marriage is disputed, the courts have to evaluate.
Conclusion
Lobola is not all sunshine and rainbows. If lobola is not done carefully with a careful eye on Scripture and how it addresses marriage, it could lead to disaster. Marriage is not simply a transfer of gifts. Marriage, per Genesis 2:24, is a covenant between one man and one woman. It is commenced by consent, continued by commitment, and confirmed by consummation.
Between Two Cultures 