–– Tim Cantrell

The audio version of this article is available here: YouTube, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify.

“Unlike the rest of the African Continent, South Africa is worlds apart when it comes to being classed as an LGBTQ+ welcoming destination.”  This is the opening line on a popular gay travel website.  According to the South African National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey and other studies, approximately 5-10% of our South African population supposedly identify as homosexual in some way.  Every year in the church I pastor I hear of more friends and family of our flock being drawn in by the aggressive gay agenda in this land, and I must be ready to minister the gospel to any repentant sinner who walks through our doors or seeks biblical counsel.  Here is one example of how my wife and I have sought to minister to youth and young adults who are tempted by same-sex attraction. 

Dear young person, 

Thank you for confiding in us that you feel that you connect better with others of the same sex and have wondered why you are not attracted to the opposite sex.  Does this mean you are gay?  Does this mean that you will only be happy when you stop denying it and act on these feelings? 

As you seek to discover your identity, a good question to ask is: what is natural?  As you know, our church believes the Word of God must be the final authority, so we cannot answer such questions based on human feelings and emotions that fluctuate.  The Bible says, “the heart is deceitful above all else”, and it warns us that only the fool “trusts his own heart” (Jer. 17:9; Prov. 28:26).  Instead, we must go to the Creator who never changes and ask Him what is natural for our romantic desires, based on His original design for us. 

When asked about marriage and sexuality, both Jesus and the Apostle Paul began at the beginning, going back to Genesis:  “Have you not read, that ‘He who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh’” (Matt. 19:4-5; 1 Tim. 2:11-15). God created you male or female.  None of us have any choice in the matter.  In His perfect, good, wise and loving design, He chooses our gender.  “It is He who made us, and not we ourselves” (Ps. 100:3).  

Dear friend, we want you to know that sex was not a human invention, but was God’s beautiful idea–to bring the man and woman together again in a deep spiritual and physical union that would be pleasurable and permanent, a picture of the unity that exists within the three persons of the Godhead and a picture of the love that Christ has for the church (Eph. 5:22-33).   Only the love of a husband and wife who are different from each other can portray that picture of Christ loving someone so different from Himself. 

From the beginning, we see that what is natural for a man and woman is to become one flesh in a marriage union.  If your feelings are telling you otherwise, your feelings are lying.  You do not have a different sexual orientation that must be explored. You may be disoriented but your feelings can be re-aligned when you focus on the north star of God’s Word.  It is our compass to guide us through our turbulent seas of shifting emotions. 

Where then do these feelings for members of the same sex come from, if they don’t come from our sexual orientation?  James answers that question for us, “Let no one say when he is tempted, ‘I am being tempted by God’; for God cannot be tempted by evil, and He Himself does not tempt anyone.  But each one is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust. Then when lust is conceived, it gives birth to sin; and when sin is accomplished, it brings forth death.” (Jam. 1:13-15).  

Every one of us battles different lusts. Some people lust for power, some lust after money and some lust for sex outside of marriage.  The more our culture refuses to honour God and give Him thanks, the more He gives us over to the lusts of our hearts.  Eventually, He gives us over to degrading passions, “for their women exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural, and in the same way, also the men abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another, men with men committing indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty of their error” (Rom. 1:21-27). 

God calls all homosexuality unnatural, and even abominable.  “You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination” (Lev. 18:22; 20:13). No matter how much our culture applauds it or how right it feels, it is against the order of nature and against God’s law. 

So by nature, you are not gay/lesbian.  You are either male or female.  You never have to wake up some morning and “discover” that you are gay.  Breathe a sigh of relief and embrace your true identity. 

The next question is what to do with these unnatural feelings that seem so natural to some people.  You may ask yourself, “Can I ever be happy as a normal female, or will I always struggle with my sexual orientation?”  The Bible says, “If any man is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold new things have come” (2 Cor. 5:17).  If you repent from your lust and truly make Christ the Lord of your life, He will wash you clean and give you a new heart.   

Beloved young person, do you realise how much hope God’s Word gives to any who truly repent of their sin and desire to change?  “Or do you not know that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God?  Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, shall inherit the kingdom of God.  And such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, and in the Spirit of our God” (1 Cor. 6:9-11). 

That is very good news!  “Such were some of you!”  Homosexuality is a thing of the past for a Christian.  It never has to be your identity.  That doesn’t mean that you will no longer be tempted.  But you have the Holy Spirit to help you “flee immorality” (1 Cor. 6:18).  This will take work and conscious effort.   

Jesus tells us to deal radically with lust, ‘cutting off your right eye’ and making it as hard as possible to fall into sin (Matt. 5:28-29).  You will have to break off precious relationships if they are causing you to stumble.  You will have to cut yourself off from all media, music and entertainment that lies to you about manhood and womanhood and your true identity in Christ.  You will need to learn how to build godly friendships as you “flee from youthful lusts, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart” (2 Tim. 2:22).  

God has a real remedy for sexual temptation.  It is called heterosexual marriage (1 Cor. 7:1-9).  Immerse yourself in the Song of Solomon until you see the beauty of this kind of marital love.  It is an intoxicating potion.  It is a raging torrent.  It is a roaring fire.  It is a garden of delights. Listen to the refrain.  “Do not arouse or awaken love, until she pleases!” (Song of Solomon 2:7; 3:5; 5:8; 8:4).  True love that God approves of is worth waiting for.  It is worth sacrificing for. It is worth defending.   

Cultivate your character.  Cultivate your God-given masculinity or femininity.  Trust God to change your desires and make them align with His (Psalm 37:4).  This may sound like the most encouraging and liberating news to help you stay on the right path and encourage others as well, or it may sound like the complete destruction of your life.  It may seem impossible right now for you to be happy and do things God’s way.   

But God can do the impossible.  Jesus was in the tomb for three days and He rose from the dead so that we can also die to sin and live to righteousness (Rom. 6).  In His presence there is fullness of joy and at His right hand there are pleasures forever (Ps. 16:11).  You can choose to defy nature and be gay or you can choose Christ and experience eternal joy. Choose Christ, we beg you!