–– Paul Schlehlein
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In South Africa, as in many countries around the world, there are two kinds of marital regimes: “in community of property” or “out of community of property”, the latter of which usually takes the form of a prenuptial agreement. We’ll argue in this article that both formal and informal prenuptial agreements are inappropriate for Christians.
Two Marriage Regimes
“In community of property” means that all the assets and liabilities collected by either spouse before or during the marriage become jointly owned. This means that if Sally comes to the marriage with six figures of student loan debt, her husband, Steve, will incur this financial obligation. If Joseph blows the family savings at the horse races or increases his financial portfolio by 500%, Mary his wife of 30 years feels the pain or pleasure of his decisions.
In this regime, everything is jointly owned in marriage, including debts and financial obligations, such as the house, the cars, the plasma TV and the Webber grill. In community of property is the default marriage regime in many countries, including in South Africa. Spouses are automatically subjected to this system unless they opt-out.
“Out of community of property” usually takes the form of a prenuptial agreement (sometimes called an antenuptial agreement) or a postnuptial agreement. These legally binding agreements are commonly used to protect individual assets and financial interests should a divorce ensue. They clearly specify terms and conditions should the marriage end.
Suppose Ron divorces Rachel. These days this is rare worldwide since women usually initiate divorce, including in South Africa. If they signed a prenup (often initiated by the man), it will protect him from losing a large chunk of his assets. He can keep the boat, for example.
Law firms, politicians and movie stars often hail the wisdom of prenup agreements, but I believe they have no place in a Christian marriage. Here are three reasons why.
Three Problems with Prenuptial Agreements
First, prenups contradict the biblical definition of love. Love is not self-serving (1Cor. 13:5). It doesn’t focus on personal comfort or protection but on the happiness of another person. Love seeks the highest good of the spouse. Since love is not rude, it doesn’t demand spouses keep separate financial records. Since love is kind, it provides a safety net for the spouse that is left behind.
Second, prenups undermine the permanence of marriage. Prenups anticipate divorce. This mindset will negatively influence their marriage. Christians should never plan for divorce. The word “divorce” should never be spoken in marriage. Spouses must never jest about divorce (“Maybe I’ll just walk out”). They should never use “divorce” as a club to threaten (“keep that attitude up and I’ll divorce you”). According to Malachi 2:16, God despises divorce and intends marriage to be permanent. Prenups start the marriage on a cracked foundation of insecurity and apprehension.
Third, prenups oppose Christ’s example. Jesus will never leave us and neither should we leave our spouse, making a prenuptial agreement useless. In John 17:10, Jesus said to the Father, “All mine are yours, and yours are mine”. In the same way, spouses should say to each other: “All my assets are yours and all your assets are mine.”
Common Objections
1. “We wear seatbelts “just in case”. Why not prenups “just in case” there’s a divorce?
We wear seatbelts to protect us from human error. Prenups plan and cover for future sins. This is like a husband hiring a full-time food-tester in case his wife poisons the food. If he has to do that, there are deeper problems.
2. “My spouse is terrible with money. Won’t a prenup protect me?”
This red flag may mean you shouldn’t marry this person, or it will force open communication and transparency in your marriage.
3. “I’ve heard the death of a spouse could freeze his assets and make the surviving spouse’s efforts to retrieve their property a nightmare.”
While this is a legitimate concern, this is an issue of death, whereas prenuptial agreements deal primarily with divorce. Christian couples that want no part of prenuptial agreements but are concerned about future liabilities upon death should speak to an attorney about the best way to protect their assets against government and bank intrusion.
Conclusion
It is true that prenup agreements are most common among the rich and famous. But this doesn’t let the common man off the hook. Sadly, there are many Christians who employ informal prenup agreements in their marriage. The husband and wife still view their possessions as “mine” and “yours”. This is unbiblical. In marriage, the husband and wife are “one flesh” (Gn. 2:24) and therefore should view everything as “ours”, determined from the beginning that marriage will last “till death do us part” and “for richer and poorer.”