–– Lennox Kalifungwa

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The Church must cultivate rituals distinct from those of the surrounding pagan cultures. This can only be achieved when Christians anchor their identity in Christ above all cultural affiliations. Such allegiance inevitably sets them in conflict with the world, and faithful believers must be prepared to embrace that enmity and endure its costs.

There ought to be a visible and tangible difference between those who are in Christ and those who are not. Where no such distinction exists, it is usually because Christians are bowing to the same idols as the wider culture. The resemblance is a giveaway, betraying a shared—though false—object of worship.

Christians must remember who they are and pledge allegiance to Christ above culture if they are to bear effective witness to an unbelieving world. Any sphere of life in which Christ’s lordship is denied will inevitably be occupied by lies masquerading as truth.

One such sphere—often overlooked but of pivotal importance—is the vitality of the household in Africa. The prevalence of attempted matriarchal arrangements has left many men shirking full responsibility for the protection and leadership of their homes. This creates fertile ground for all manner of evils to fester and take root. Nowhere is this more evident than in premarital rituals. Laden with theatrics and appeasement, practices such as bride price and traditional premarital sexual instruction have become entrenched in both church and society. Steeped in animistic overtones, they function as a social currency—rarely challenged, seldom resisted. The bitter irony is that feminists have mounted a more forceful resistance to this rot than most churches. Yet while their critique is vocal, it is also shallow: they lack the moral compass to identify the true problem and so cannot offer a healthy or fruitful alternative. Their obsession is power; the Christian’s concern must be truth and righteousness.

Though many will be tempted to dismiss this as a grey area, Christians must press for the abolition of bride price and premarital sexual training.

What’s wrong with bride price?

The origins of bride price are steeped in animism (or paganism). Its modern defenders, however, tend to wheel out the usual excuses—family bonds, economic support, cultural continuity—as though these trappings could airbrush away the practice’s spiritual DNA. To call it “neutral” is rather like calling libations to the ancestors a form of hydration. Neutrality is a fiction: every custom either glorifies God or defies Him. And economy and relationships are no exception—they are always, at bottom, religious. Culture, after all, is worship downstream.

African philosophers such as John Mbiti and Joseph Adjaye have been candid enough to acknowledge this. Adjaye observes: “During the colonial period, Christian missionaries denigrated libations, as was their custom with many other traditional practices, largely because of the invocation of deities. The tension between Christian beliefs and libation ideology has persisted since then.” Even sympathetic observers concede the essence of these rituals: communion with spiritual powers, antithetical to Christianity. No amount of economic window-dressing alters the fact that these practices were, and remain, pagan to the core.

What’s wrong with traditional premarital sexual instruction?

Many so-called “traditional” sexual rituals are little more than sanctioned abuse. Older women exploit fear, shame and ignorance under the noble-sounding banner of teaching respect and submission.

Young brides are coerced into instruction that is graphic, physically demanding, and psychologically manipulative. They are taught, in excruciating detail, how to please their future husbands—not as preparation for love and God-glorifying covenant, but as insurance against abandonment, adultery, or violence. Compliance is enforced by threat: defiance could mean a violent or absent husband, or a humiliating return to one’s family for “further training.”

The lessons themselves are grotesque theatre:

• The bride learns specific waist and hip movements before demonstrating them before the groom’s uncles, who act as inspectors of her ‘obedience’.
• She is trained while lying down, sometimes with the instructors unclothed, which is a perverse parody of the marriage bed.
• Further barbaric physical practices are also carried out.
• Rituals involving a live chicken, slaughtered mid-lesson, to symbolise menstruation, domestic roles, managing in-laws, and several other sexual illustrations.
• Instructions to treat husbands like lust-ridden dogs and to never disclose any details of these lessons to them, which only enshrines secrecy and mistrust in holy matrimony.

This is not education; it is the sabotage of feminine virtue masquerading as tradition. No cultural rationalisation can make it holy. Marriage belongs to God alone, who defines its terms, purpose, and sanctity (Ephesians 5:22–33; 1 Peter 3:1–7). Anything that contradicts this is abuse dressed up as ritual.

The fear-mongering embedded in these teachings is a clear signal that they are endorsed by God’s adversaries. Lies thrive on fear, shame and guilt; truth cultivates joy, freedom and fruitfulness. The outcomes of traditional sexual instruction are revealing: anxiety, manipulation, and moral corruption. Where truth is unknown or silenced, falsehood and death prosper.

In African contexts where appeasement of family, tribe, and ancestors holds sway, the Church must develop an apologetic that unflinchingly disrupts this idolatrous theatre. Christian brides and grooms must take uncomfortable stands for truth, rejecting sinful cultural rituals and honouring God above men. Husbands and fathers must shield their children from these vices, leading with resolute virtue. Church complicity in such practices only entrenches cultural decay. Reformation demands nothing less than the courage to confront idolatry and the commitment to cultivate new, distinctly Christian traditions and cultures.