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Paul

First a story. I’ve always been close with my own father and growing up he was my best friend. I even considered making him the best man in my wedding. I don’t get to see him too often these days. As a missionary, I’ve left my homeland, which has meant leaving my family, so I only get to see him about every four years or so. Our family returned to the US in 2019 and we just finished our latest furlough here in 2023. It was so great to see my family, especially my father. He drove with me to the airport to drop us off, and I was laughing so hard that I was wiping away the tears and feared I might get in an accident. Among my favorite things in life…laughing with my Dad.

This time with my father has made me reflect upon Proverbs 10:1. “A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is a sorrow to his mother.” Even though I am an adult and have children of my own, I still want to please my father. I do not want to bring tears to my mother. I thought it would be a good idea today to unpack this verse and give some practical ways we can obey it.

Karni

A foolish son brings tears to his parents. Let’s elaborate on whether or not tears are always bad. 

Paul

Well, there are many kinds of tears. Some are good. Some are bad. 

There are (1) tears of joy. These often come during side-splitting laughter or after the phone call telling you your wife is pregnant. 

(2) Tears of pain. These roll down the cheeks of the 5-year-old that fell off his bike or the widow that visits her husband’s grave, her back so twisted she can’t set the flowers.

(3) Tears of repentance. Thomas Watson liked to say that moist tears dry up sin. The prodigal son and the father both wept on the day of the young man’s return, but for different reasons. 

(4) Tears of sadness. This reminds me of a story in the life of John Paton, missionary to the cannibals of the South Seas. As an old man he looked back to his youth when he was leaving home for the university. His godly father dreaded to see his dear son go. Paton wrote about his father’s “advice, prayers, and tears” on that walk. That scene was still fresh in his mind, though Paton’s white beard was long and his father had long been dead.

(5) Tears of misery. The old Puritans used to say that Mary’s tears were more precious to Christ than her ointment. Yes, that’s true but only because those tears belonged in the third category. But not all tears are created equal. Some crying comes from a broken heart, like those in Proverbs 10:1, “A wise son makes a glad father, but a foolish son is sorrow to his mother.”

We find tears, two kinds, in this verse. The first kind (“tears of joy”) comes from a “glad father”. I’m on the other side of the world from y own father, but my favourite part of talking with him on the phone is the laughter. Sometimes I fall on my knees because I’m laughing so hard. There is no conflict between us. I’m a wise son. He’s a glad Dad. Let the tears roll!

But foolish sons make their mothers cry. Most men hate it when women cry, unless they’re happy tears. The goal of every son should be tears of joy upon the faces of his parents but no tears of shame. Wise sons honour their parents. There are many ways to do this. I made a little list that I think could be helpful…

Karni

What are some practical ways in which we can make our parents happy?

Paul

Let me start with a handful. First, listen their instruction. Don’t be like Hophni and Phinehas. Father Eli heard reports of their womanizing and dirty deals and rebellious friends. Eli said, “Stop it.” They just rolled their eyes and smirked. 

Second, marry well. Esau knew the kinds of girls his parents didn’t like (Gen. 28:8-9). He knew that if he brought a certain kind of girl home for dinner with his parents, it would be really awkward. She’s digging her fork into the plate. She’s got a pouty face. Mom and Dad are forcing a smile. Son, don’t marry this girl. It will make your mother cry. Don’t make them say, “Didn’t I teach that boy what to look for in a girl?” Yes, they did. He didn’t listen.

Third, ignore the media mindset. Don’t treat your parents the way the TV says is good. Media says Dad is a dummy. Google will tell you mom is old-fashioned. Paul told us that in the last days, children will be “disobedient to parents” (2Tm. 3:2). Follow the Bible’s counsel, not the movies.

Karni

This is so true of society in our day. Give us more examples. 

Paul

Here’s a shotgun of some more practical ways. 

Fourth, repay them. Don’t be a consumer. Don’t think their role is to cook and your role is to eat. Take as much weight off their backs as you can. Paul said one of the duties children have for their parents is “takin care of them” (1Tm. 5:4). But don’t think this only begins when they’re in an old-age home one day. Repay them now. A perfectly clean room is a good start. So is starting your own little business. This will change in your adult years. 

Fifth, be thoughtful. Always keep your parents wellbeing on your mind. It’s good for a young man to lie awake sometimes and think how he can fix the tractor so father doesn’t have to buy a new one. Jesus was on the cross, enduring the culture’s worst form of execution and he still found the wherewithal to be caring for his mother. “John, here’s your mother. Care for her” (Jn. 19:27). Mry cried good tears that day. 

Sixth, thank them. “Give your father and mother joy”, Proverbs 23:25 says. You can do this by never letting a kind deed they show you end without a thank you. “Thank yous” in your world should be like snow in Siberia: constant. When is the lats time you thanked your parents for staying married, for not aborting you, for giving you brothers and sisters, for putting extra butter on the popcorn? Now is a good time to start.

Karni

Give us a few more and conclude for us. 

Paul

Seventh, obey them. Don’t just hear. Don’t just nod. Follow their counsel. The key to life is following directions. “Children, obey…” (Eph. 6:1). This will make your parents far more happy than if you make lots of money one day but rebel. 

Eight, praise them. Do it in private and in public. Go on and on, even if it embarrasses them. Godly children rise up and call their mother blessed (Pr. 31:28). They’re quick to raise their hand and say, “Let me tell you a few things about my Dad…” And they do this on other days besides Father’s Day. 

Ninth, show them affection. When Joseph saw his father, he embraced him and wept (Gen. 46:29). Boys need to hug their parents. Boys ought to wrestle with their Dads and practice firm handshakes with him. Boys ought to know how to kiss their mothers sweetly. It will prepare them for marriage. 

Tenth, be chivalrous. You want to make your mother happy? Stand when she comes to the dinner table. Open her door. Run to puck up the wrench so your father doesn’t always have to crouch down. When Bathsheba came to the palace to see her son, Solomon “rose from his throne to meet her, and he bowed down before her” ‘(1Kings 2:19). These days, most boys won’t even pause their video game when mom brings him lunch. That is enough to make all of us cry.

Karni

What a treat mufundhisi.

To our audience, if you’ve enjoyed this podcast, please, be sure to rate it and subscribe to keep posted with more upcoming content. Feel free to share this episode with someone who might find it interesting and submit any questions you may want answered in a future podcast. You can email those to: PaulSchlehlein@gmail.com

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I’m your host, Yamikani Katunga, and until next time,

That’s it from missionary minds.