–– Tim Cantrell

Audio version of this article is available here: YouTube, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify.

A recent study showed that South Africa is one of only three countries in the world where religious involvement has increased in recent years, with over 85% of the country now claiming some kind of Christianity.  But this raises the immediate question, “What kind of Christianity is it that is growing?  What kind of gospel is being preached?” It also raises pastoral questions such as one I’m asked by young people: 

“May I marry anyone who claims to be a Christian?”   

To which I say, “It depends.”  “Depends on what?”, they ask.  At this point, I then sit them down and explain that there are a number of biblical principles that must be considered.   

Beware of Unsaved Believers 

First of all, God’s Word often warns us that many would profess to know Christ but be unsaved.  “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven” (Matt. 7:21).  “Many” will claim to do mighty works in Jesus’ name, yet He will declare, “I never knew you” (Matt. 7:22-23).  Entire New Testament epistles are dedicated to distinguishing between true and false assurance – such as 1 John, the Book of James, or many portions of the Four Gospels or Hebrews.  

This is why I tell my own children, and our church young adults, that you may only marry someone who is a member in good standing of our church or of another like-minded church.  That’s what baptism and church membership are for – for the leaders and the congregation to verify whether or not someone has a credible profession of faith or not.  All that glitters is not gold.  All who profess Christ don’t necessarily possess Him, so we must not be naïve about this – especially in vetting a future spouse for one of our young people.  Choosing whom to marry is the biggest earthly decision of their lives, so it must be done carefully. 

Marry in the Lord   

God’s Word is very clear: “A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:39).  That text gives a clear condition only to marry another person who is “in the Lord”, i.e., a genuine fellow believer.  Here’s further biblical instruction:  

Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever? (2 Cor. 6:14-15)  

What kind of “yoking” and partnership could be closer than that of marriage?  Surely God forbids such unequal yoking; it’s the clash of two kingdoms, of darkness trying to be married to light, a child of the devil uniting with a child of God – unthinkable.  

God’s prohibition against a Christian marrying a non-Christian is not unique to the New Testament either.  It is grounded in God’s Word in the Old Testament:  

You shall not intermarry with them, giving your daughters to their sons or taking their daughters for your sons, for they would turn away your sons from following me, to serve other gods. Then the anger of the LORD would be kindled against you, and he would destroy you quickly   (Deut. 7:3-4).  

And I confronted them and cursed them and beat some of them and pulled out their hair. And I made them take oath in the name of God, saying, “You shall not give your daughters to their sons, or take their daughters for your sons or for yourselves. Did not Solomon king of Israel sin on account of such women? Among the many nations there was no king like him, and he was beloved by his God, and God made him king over all Israel. Nevertheless, foreign women made even him to sin. Shall we then listen to you and do all this great evil and act treacherously against our God by marrying foreign women? (Neh. 13:25-27)  

Notice in the above Old Testament texts: God is not opposed to intermarriage with the Canaanite nations for ethnic or racial reasons.  The problem is their false gods, that they have a foreign faith and an idolatrous religion which is incompatible with true worshippers of God.  

Even if two people are believers, it is still possible to be unequally yoked in marriage (or business or other close relations) if they are theologically incompatible and unable to work together in good conscience.    

What if you are already married? 

What if it is too late and one is already married to an unbelieving spouse?  This is not a new problem but was common from the earliest days of Christianity.  God’s Word has many comforts and wise counsel for those who are unequally yoked – such as in 1 Corinthians 7 or 1 Peter 3.  I know of many spouses who testify of God’s all-sufficient grace sustaining them in such a marriage for decades, and some have seen unsaved spouses converted to Christ (2 Cor. 12:9-10).  

For those who are unmarried and on the verge of making one of the most decisive choices of their lives, we must echo the plea of King Lemuel’s mother in Proverbs 31 and implore our young people to choose well when it comes to marriage.