10 Steps to Finding a Wife: #7 Shoot Straight

To shoot straight means to tell the truth. A straight shooter gets to the point, no stories. After Eliezer met Rebekah’s parents, the family set a delicious spread before him. But before Eliezer could enjoy the tasty meal, he delivered an important message (Gen. 24:33-51). 

He clearly set out his purposes in coming. He told the whole truth and wasn’t deceptive with his plans. Isaac wasn’t interested in playing games. He wanted a wife and this was the purpose of the visit. 

Because women can easily be hurt, men must treat them with sensitivity. Young men have broken this rule innumerable times in every culture and in every era. It comes in four different forms.

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10 Steps to Finding a Wife: #6 Ask to Pursue a Relationship

There’s a difference between courting and dating. Courting is purposeful dating. Couples often date just for fun or pleasure, while the purpose of courting is to find a spouse. Courting also involves the parents, whereas dating is more independent.  

In Genesis 24, notice how often the parents are involved. From the start, Eliezer seeks them out. He quickly asks about her parents (v. 23) and she swiftly connects herself to her father (v. 24). Parents and siblings were involved from start to finish (vv. 28-50). On behalf of Abraham and Isaac, Eliezer asks permission from Rebekah’s parents to pursue her (v.49).

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10 Steps to Finding a Wife: #5 Have Cash in Your Pocket

A young man with no money and no job is not ready to pursue a woman in marriage. But a man with work and cash in his pocket has earned the right to seek a bride. This is because one of the three central roles of a man is to provide. A husband “nourishes” his wife (Eph. 5:29), which includes putting food on the table. 

Eliezer proved Isaac was a man of means by giving Rebekah golden rings and bracelets (v. 22). Notice, this was not part of the bride price. Long before marriage was discussed, this jewelry served as an initial gift to show that Isaac’s team wasn’t working on the cheap. He had the means to provide for her.  

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A Christian Response to Hookup Culture

–– Paul Schlehlein

The audio version of this article is available here: YouTube, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify.

Throughout history, marriage has strengthened society while mere cohabitation has lit the fuse to destroy it. This poses awful news for many of the world’s nations—including Sub-Saharan Africa—where marriage rates are plummeting, and cohabitation stats continue to soar. 

In South Africa, for example, registered civil marriages went from over 186,000 in 2008 to nearly half of that in 2023. Approximately 61% of births in South Africa occur outside of marriage. So desperate is the situation that when I visit the homes of our village school children, even to ask about the whereabouts of the father often brings embarrassment.   

In this post I would like to give three reasons why cohabitation destroys a nation, a few common scenarios, and then close with some words of counsel and encouragement. 

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10 Steps to Finding a Wife: #4 Note Her Beauty, Prize Her Name

Usually, the first thing that attracts a man to a woman is her beauty. God made males to admire an attractive female—her angelic voice, the gentle curves of her body, and the softness of her touch. Moses acknowledged that the men of Israel would “see among the captives a beautiful woman” and then “desire to take her” for his wife (Dt 21:11).

Guys want women to be beautiful and women want to look beautiful. South Africa spends R10 million annually just on female hair products. The Bible usually speaks about a lady’s beauty in positive terms, presenting it as a blessing from God. Here are some examples:

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10 Steps to Finding a Wife: #3 Fish Where There’s Fish

Men go hunting where there’s game. They chase lions in the plains of the Serengeti, not the tundra of Alaska. They stalk moose in Canada, not the Sahara Desert. They search for wildebeest in the veld of South Africa, not the highways of London.

In the same way, young men must look for godly women where they can be found. Eliezer didn’t look for a godly woman in battle or a brothel, at sea, in a desert, or among pagans. Instead, he went to Mesopotamia, a country of likeminded people. And he visited a watering hole, a place where women often gathered (v. 11). 

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10 Steps to Finding a Wife: #2 Pray Biblical Prayers

Young men should not expect to find a good wife if they never ask God for one. Scripture says: “Ask, and it will be given to you” (Mt. 7:7). Abraham’s servant prayed with a specific request that the Lord would lead him to the right wife for Isaac. “O Lord…please grant me success today” (Gen. 24:12). 

Proverbs 19:14 says “a prudent wife is from the Lord”. Good marriages are a gift from God. Therefore, pray and ask him for an understanding wife. Here are five sample prayer requests: 

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10 Steps to Finding a Wife: #1 Sheep Don’t Marry Goats

Marriage is a mystery and a remarkable creation of God. On Friday a man could be free and beholden to no one and by Saturday afternoon he’s attached to a woman for the rest of his life. Martin Luther said about the first year of marriage: “One wakes up in the morning and finds a pair of pigtails on the pillow which were not there before.” 

The following posts are about choosing your pigtails wisely. 

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How Christians Should Date In Today’s World

–– Matt Floreen

The audio version of this article is available here: YouTube, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify.

In today’s African dating scene, many single Christians find themselves caught between cultural expectations, modern pressures, and the timeless call to holiness. From Johannesburg to Lagos, the pursuit of love often feels more like navigating an overcrowded marketplace than building covenant relationships, as this recent article laments. The church has often lacked in providing biblical counsel on how to overcome the challenges. How should single Christians approach the issue of dating and finding a spouse?

Why are single Christians often confused about dating relationships? Here are three reasons:

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Marriage Procrastination: Eight Excuses for Staying Single

–– Tim Cantrell

The audio version of this article is available here: YouTube, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify.

Currently, in South Africa, we have some 24 million singles, well over half of our adult population, and marriage statistics continue their rapid decline with more and more youth waiting longer and longer to get married, if ever. Top reasons South African singles give for delaying marriage are: “Desire for independence; self-esteem and relationship reluctance; economic and social reasons; past relationships and fear of commitment”. All four of these reasons have one thing in common: they are usually selfish excuses. It is no minor offence to reject God’s good institution of marriage, His wise creation ordinance that is the cornerstone of civilisation and the primary building block for all of society. As the view of marriage rises or falls, so does an entire nation. 

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Our dating culture needs rescuing too! 

–– Malamulo Chindongo

The audio version of this article is available here: YouTube, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify.

Bible-believing Christians share a conviction about the primacy of marriage in God’s purposes. Sadly, such convictions are fading among many professing Christians. God gave us marriage as a gift; it is the very foundation of every society. Marriage lies at the core of every civilization. No group of people can flourish without healthy marriages. The Devil hates marriage, period—why? It is a unique relationship, a covenant between one man and one woman, existing solely for the glory of God. When done right, marriage brings many of God’s blessings to those who engage in it.

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May I Marry Any Christian?

–– Tim Cantrell

Audio version of this article is available here: YouTube, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify.

A recent study showed that South Africa is one of only three countries in the world where religious involvement has increased in recent years, with over 85% of the country now claiming some kind of Christianity.  But this raises the immediate question, “What kind of Christianity is it that is growing?  What kind of gospel is being preached?” It also raises pastoral questions such as one I’m asked by young people: 

“May I marry anyone who claims to be a Christian?”   

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What Should a Couple Do If Their Parents Disapprove Their Marriage?

– Paul Schlehlein

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When we consider a question like this, our first question should be: “Is this union honoring to God?” This is not the same question as: “Is this union honoring to my parents?” The two are often the same, but not always. 

Here are five marks of forming a marriage that God approves. 

(1) Conversion. Only a Christian may marry a Christian (2Cor. 6:14). God forbids inter-faith marriage (1Cor. 7:39), which only leads to heartache (Ex. 34:16). 

(2) Consent. Forced marriage is not marriage. Adam left his parents to cleave to his wife, showing volition. He came to her, showing it was not by force (Gn. 2:24). 

(3) Character. The bride and groom should share the same spiritual vibrancy. One may be more spiritually mature than the other but too great a divide will hamper the marriage. “Can two walk together except they be agreed” (Amos 3:3)? 

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Dating Apps and the Christian

–– Tim Cantrell

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Should Christians use dating apps?  One study claims that 1 in 3 South Africans uses online dating and that only 11% do it to find a marriage partner, while 48% do it for fun, 41% to find friends, and 13% for sex.  Our Police Minister Bheke Cele has recently warned of the increasing use of dating apps for kidnapping.  Yet global revenue from dating apps for 2023 will add up to US$8.7 billion, from 441 million users – a colossal industry indeed!  What does God’s Word say about this massive trend in our society?

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