–– Malamulo Chindongo
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Bible-believing Christians share a conviction about the primacy of marriage in God’s purposes. Sadly, such convictions are fading among many professing Christians. God gave us marriage as a gift; it is the very foundation of every society. Marriage lies at the core of every civilization. No group of people can flourish without healthy marriages. The Devil hates marriage, period—why? It is a unique relationship, a covenant between one man and one woman, existing solely for the glory of God. When done right, marriage brings many of God’s blessings to those who engage in it.
Having said that, it is noteworthy to state that marriage is not the most important relationship one will ever have; our relationship with Christ is. Marriage is a picture of that. But if marriage is not done right, it can cause significant problems in one’s life—it can really mess you up, and a lot of other things.
We need churches that care for those desiring marriage
We need churches and families that care about marriage and the process of getting married. Many churches do not know how to counsel young people in their pursuit of this holy union. Across the continent of Africa, there are many cultural practices that do not prepare and nurture young people through this process. God has given us timeless truths that address not only the marriage relationship but also the preparatory years.
In the second chapter of Solomon’s love notes, verses one through six, we see the bridegroom, Solomon himself, and his bride, the Shulamite, singing or speaking to one another of their experiences in each other’s company. In this back-and-forth exchange and expressions of love, we derive great counsel for young people about the process of seeking a bride and how the bride should respond to the request of the bridegroom.
Love must be incited only when the time is right
In verse four of this letter, we see a break in the song; the bride turns to her friends, the “daughters of Zion.” Here she gives her friends a testimony and a challenge. She knows she is in love, and the book itself clearly portrays the highest experience of love that can be known on this side of heaven. So, she says to her friends, if you are to experience what I am experiencing, then you must behave a certain way, especially when it comes to matters of love: “do not awaken love,” “do not disturb love before its time,” “do not incite or rouse, stir up” before its time.
God has designed the marriage relationship to be received in its time. When a man is ready to lead and provide for his bride, he should seek it and receive it from God. Men are called to lead, like in all areas of leadership, the first is to advance the welfare of those you lead. It means providing both the nourishment of the inner person and safety from external dangers. Men are built for these kinds of tasks. It means there is a high level of spiritual maturity and the ability to earn. On the other hand, the woman is called by God to nurture and receive biblical leadership well, and to manage resources provided for her. Until the man and woman reach this stage, the wise man, Solomon, says, do not try married love. How do we get there?
Patience is a virtue that builds future homes
The bride offers a charge to her friends. They must wait for the right time. A charge is a command; patience is commanded. We become people who are patient by obedience. We cannot learn to be patient if we are not willing to obey. The bride in this text, or the friend, issues a charge: “I adjure you”…here is a charge: if we are going to do courtship for the glory of God, we need to take heed.
Be a man or woman who keeps promises. “I adjure you” is a call to take a vow. We do not necessarily need to wear purity rings or any such things. But we need single men and women who are committed to the wisdom of God concerning courtship. We need men and women committed to purity and biblical preparation for marriage. Men and women who will keep their word, willing to wait until the time is right. In chapter 2 verse 7, Solomon makes the charge, by the “…gazelles or young does or deer…..” (he illustrates using two similar animals yet so gentle and innocent….) genuine love cannot be rushed….this is why biblical courtship is important….if you are going to truly love, serve, and submit to another…there is a great need for patience and self-control.
Patience is the cure for violent passions and excessive optimism
“Do not awaken love”….there is a time for everything….the violent passion of love awakened before its time only breeds lust….the burning passions will need to be fed. As a young man or woman, there are advantages of passion, but those can also be weaknesses and they have been at many times. The desire to rush everything you do. I want it all; I want it now. Again, listen to the counsel of the wise, “do not awaken love until it pleases.” He exalts this great relationship, its beauty, its sweetness, its ecstatic satisfaction—and uses this to call for a wise and methodical way of going about courtship and married life.