You can summarize this wedding charge in one sentence. Character builds trust, trust builds friendship, and friendship builds the marriage.

This comes from the text in Proverbs 31:10-12:

“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.”

Reg, today I serve as your best man. But from this day forward your closest friend on earth must be your wife. She is more than your lover. She is your intimate confidante. She’s your companion. She’s your friend.

The missing ingredient in many marriages is friendship. Companionship has disappeared, though it’s among the central purposes of marriage. We’ll return to this in a moment. But first, what are some other purposes of marriage?

Marriage is for Reflecting the Gospel

One purpose of marriage is reflecting the gospel. The way a husband loves his wife demonstrates the way Christ loves the church. The way a wife submits to her husband reflects the way believers submit to Christ. Your marriage may be the only picture of the Good News others people see.

Tiyani, love Thabelo, even when she’s unlovable. This is what Jesus did for you. Christ’s love for the world is so amazing, not because we are so good but because we are so bad. Romans 5:8: “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

If you want to know how to love Thabelo, look to Christ’s love for us. Christ is compassionate. Christ is forgiving. Christ is gracious. Christ is faithful. Christ is holy. Christ is humble. Christ is joyful. Christ is wise. So love Thabelo in this way, always falling short, but always striving.

Thabelo, submit to and obey Tiyani, even though words like “submit” and “obey” are removed from most wedding vows today. God commands wives to submit and is not something you do only when you feel like it (Eph. 5:22). Obedience to your husband is really obedience to the Lord Jesus. But this is not the purpose of marriage I want to emphasize today.

Marriage is for Producing Kids

Another purpose of marriage is procreation. The garden of marriage is the best place to plant the seeds of the next godly generation. Our current society will lie to you about kids: they’re stressful, they’re too expensive, they’ll steal your time, they’re ruin your career.

Actually, these are half-truths, the most dangerous of lies. Kid’s do cause stress. They do cost money. They do demand constant attention and they do force you to make business and lifestyle decisions.

Solomon said it best millennia ago: “Where there are no oxen, the manger is clean, but abundant crops come by the strength of the ox” (Pr. 14:4). A modern day translation could read: “Where there are no kids, the garage is spotless and the kitchen is free from spaghetti noodles strewn across the floor, but endless joy and production comes from a home packed with children.”

So have lots of kids if the Lord so blesses you and if he chooses in his grace to open your womb. But be careful. Kids can become an idol, just like all other good things on this earth. Kids must never supersede your relationship with Jesus Christ or with each other. But this is not the purpose of marriage I want to emphasize.

Marriage is for Companionship

Instead, I want to spotlight another important reason for marriage: companionship and friendship. “It is not good that the man should be alone” (Gn. 2:18). And specifically one important part of friendship in marriage—trust. If there is mutual trust in your marriage, your friendship will grow and so will your love.

Proverbs 31 is about the Virtuous woman and we’re told: “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.” Finding a woman that is honest, humble, selfless, hard-working, pure, compassionate? This is more rare than gold. Because excellent woman are so rare, we’re told men need to go out and find them. The woman doesn’t find the man. No. Men are the hunters. Reginald, you pursued Thabelo. “An excellent wife who can find?”

We’re told something about this husband. Verse 11 says, “The heart of her husband trusts in her and he will have no lack of gain.” Now of course it is important that the wife trust the husband as well, but this will only come through character. If the husband has a reputation for blowing his pay check on gambling or choosing the wrong church or making poor purchases, the wife will not trust her husband. Character builds trust, trust builds friendship, and friendship builds the marriage.

A Brief Story

Some years ago I remember driving through the night in a rental car with my wife. We had left the big city in Joburg and were rushing back to be with our kids. We had just driven through Polokwane and there was quite a long stretch of nothingness to our final destination. Just about 10 kms past Polokwane I noticed that the fuel needle was on E. I was not used to this car and there was no “ding” to warn me. My wife said we should go back. I hate going back. I pulled over, did some calculations and determined we could go forward and reach the fuel station without the car dying. My wife grimaced and nodded.

For the next many kms, the car was silent. On the outside, I was oozing confidence, but on the inside I was dying of terror. What if I have to run 15 kms? What if the fuel station is closed? Do I leave her in the car alone in the dark. We eventually rolled to station safely and my wife said: “You were so right dear!” Little did she know my terror. But the moral is that she trusted me because I had not let her down in this situation before. Reginald, let me urge you to stack success by making character-filled decisions. This will make it easier and easier for Thabelo to trust you. Don’t demand her trust, earn it.

Trust

Notice v. 11 doesn’t say the wife trusts in the husband. It says the husband “trusts” in his wife. This is not blind trust. He trusts in her because she is a woman of character, as the rest of the Proverbs shows us. V. 12 says, “She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.”

The word “husband” comes from two words meaning house – band. It is the husband that is responsible for keeping the home together. Sadly, the husband has these days become the house bomb, blowing up and destroying the joy, unity, and security of the home rather than a belt and band that keeps it together.  One of the ways he can keep the family together is with a wife of character that he can always trust and rely upon.  A wife that he believes in. He has confidence in her abilities and insight.

A great example of this is the Shunammite woman and the remarkable trust her husband had in her. The story begins in 2 Kings 4 when the woman decides it would be a good idea to build a small room for the prophet Elisha so that he may have a place to stay in his travels. This was a great idea. It helped Elisha. It eventually led to the greatest early blessing they ever received: a son. She must have had great character . He didn’t say the idea was stupid. He didn’t say she was usurping his authority. He didn’t say building projects are man’s work. She came up with a good idea, gave her husband the blue prints and her husband built it.

Later in the story, when their precious son succumbed heat stroke and the father laid him on the bed, the mother said her husband needed to send quickly for the man of God. In such a tense moment, the husband trusted his wife, even though her request seemed strange. But her husband trusted. She must have been a remarkable woman of character.  Character builds trust, trust builds friendship, and friendship builds the marriage.

This doesn’t mean the wife calls the shots in the home. It doesn’t mean the husband never disagrees with, negates or adjusts the plans of his wife. He’s the leader. But it does mean that a husband’s well-being often stands and falls on his wife’s reliability. Scripture normally implores us not to trust in man. “It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man” (Ps. 118:8). But a godly wife is an exception. A husband must trusts in her completely.

Conclusion

There’s a story told of John Eliot, famous missionary to the American Indians in the 17th century. His wife Hannah was godly and full of virtue. She managed every detail of the family business so that Eliot could devote himself completely to the Lord’s work. So unaware was he of financial details that on one occasion he asked whose cows were grazing near his door. His wife smiled, for her husband had no idea they were his own. Now that is an example of a husband trusting his wife.

Our greatest trust is in Christ. He alone gives salvation. But a Christian couple, whose foundation is trust is trust in the Lord Jesus, must strive to trust each other for their marriage to flourish. Character will build this trust, this trust will build the friendship, and the friendship will build the marriage.