–– Paul Schlehlein
The audio version of this article is available here: YouTube, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify.
These days, many Africans are feeling the pressure of the “black tax”, a colloquial term referring to the obligation of children to provide for their parents on a continual basis.
Poverty in Africa adds to the anxiety but sometimes wealth only makes the black tax worse. Some even call it an epidemic. The layers of difficulty are many, especially with first-generation Christians who feel torn about how to help unbelieving relatives, some of whom face financial difficulties of their own making.
1 Timothy 5:4
The overarching principle in these matters is that God is pleased when children repay their parents the love, kindness, and care that is owed to them. First Timothy 5:4 says, “Let [the children and grandchildren] first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God.”
But, of course, this matter is far more complicated than wiring grocery money across the country to your mother-in-law. In this series of posts, we will address when, what, and to whom children should give in relation to their relatives.
The first principle addresses when children should give.
Two Oars
If a grown child’s care for his aged parents were a rowboat, the two oars of need and ability would move the craft forward. Just one or the other turns the craft in circles.
Parents who require help must have genuine needs for food, clothing, health, and shelter, not a sweet tooth for the latest smartphone. This principle comes from the widow in 1 Timothy 5:3 who is called “truly in need”.
The second oar refers to ability, meaning that if the children have the means to care for their parents, they must do so. According to 1 Timothy 5:8, not to care for one’s relatives makes one worse than an unbeliever. A well-employed son who refuses to pay the rent for his widowed mother is worse than Judas Iscariot. He’s betraying the woman that birthed, fed, and cared for him.
As the oar of ability strengthens, the more children can give to their parents beyond just needs. If they have the means, or are willing to shun personal benefits in love for their parents, they may give lavishly, as Joseph did when his aged father came to Egypt (Gen. 46). Giving his brothers the land of Goshen was equivalent to buying Jacob a brand-new house, with a pristine 4×4 sitting in the driveway, giant red bow and all.
Beware
But consider these two cautions. First, children must remember that not all family members are equal. I read somewhere that one difference between Westerners and Africans is that if a canoe tipped over and a man could only save his wife or mother, the Westerner would save his wife and the African would save his mother. In the African’s mind, he could always marry another wife, but you can’t acquire another mother.
Perish the thought of such a tragedy. But there really is a biblical answer to this dilemma. According to Genesis 2:24, a man leaves his father and mother and cleaves to his wife, creating in marriage a new bond that replaces his parents as his strongest earthly relationship.
Think of a series of concentric circles. In the centre is a man’s wife and children. Next, as the circles extend outward, comes the parents of him and his wife, then their other relatives like brothers, sisters, uncles, and aunts. After that comes friends and so forth. His focus starts in the middle.
My two decades of experience in Africa have taught me that often these circles are inverted. Mr Baloyi feels bound, nay forced, to help his uncle out of gambling debt or a sister with funeral costs to the detriment of his wife and child’s real needs.
A second caution relates to children faking their inability to help. Mr. Juma pulls his pockets inside out every time he’s asked to help pay for his mother’s diabetes medication, even while he’s making payments on a new sedan and tiling another guest room.
Jesus warned against these actions in Mark 7. The Pharisees knew that according to the Fifth Commandment, they had a duty to honour their parents, which included financial assistance. So they found a loophole, calling their possessions “Corban” or “given to God” (v. 11).
“Mom and Dad, I’d love to help you, but I’ve already promised this money would go to religious matters you know that Scripture forbids the breaking of an oath.” Jesus despised this disrespect and rebuked the Pharisees severely for ignoring their parents and twisting the Scriptures.
Conclusion
In the following episode, we’ll address the various parental needs children should seek to help with. Here we learned that, according to the Fifth Commandment and 1 Timothy 5:4, children are bound to honor their parents through financial assistance based on need and ability, as a task they should welcome with gratitude and joy.