Fellow Soldiers and Friends

J.C. Ryle said that friendships double our joy and halve our troubles. Good Christian friends should ask each other these fifteen questions to improve their friendship.

A Warning

Guys don’t converse well sitting across from each other. Guys need to move. Guys use their hands and feet when talking. Girls are better at talking across a booth. Ladies like to talk with their legs curled up on the sofa. Guys like to talk in front of a football game.

If you’re uncomfortable talking over coffee, shoot hoops instead. Drive across town. Hike up a mountain. Go to the driving range. Clean out the carburetor. Sharpen the lawn mower blade. Throw the baseball. While you’re at it, ask the following questions.

When you’re done reading, I’ll show you what to do with them at the end.

15 Questions on Friendship

1. Do you think I’d stand shoulder to shoulder with you in battle, or do you doubt my loyalty? (Gal. 6:2)
2. Where’s one area I’ve really encouraged you such that you wished I did it more often? (Heb. 10:24)
3. Is there anything I’ve said or done in the past that still bothers you because we never reconciled the matter? (Matt. 18:15)
4. What’s one annoying thing I do that isn’t a huge deal and you wouldn’t bring it up on your own but it’s still, frankly, irritating? (Gal. 5:15)
5. Would you say you have a number of good, meaningful friendships, or are you isolated? (Pr. 18:24)
6. Do you have confidence I pray for you and what does or doesn’t give you such confidence? (James 5:16)
7. Do I better our friendship by loving your family or do I hinder our relationship because of how I treat your wife and kids? (2Sm. 9:1)
8. What are two goals and dreams you have that are so big and far-fetched you neglect to voice them? (1 Thess. 5:11)
9. Can you be open and honest with me or do you wear a mask covering your weaknesses?
10. Do I do anything that causes you to stumble or stops you from being your best? (Rm. 14:13)
11. Do I actively look for ways to serve you or am I selfish in my ambitions? (Gal. 5:26)
12. Am I quick to forgive or do I prefer to hold a grudge? (Eph. 4:32)
13. Would you say I’m petty over small foibles or do I look for the best and glory in what you do well? (Col. 3:12)
14. Do I constructively criticize you with open rebuke, or do I wimp out and ignore your faults? (Pr. 27:5-6)
15. Where are two ways I can keep you accountable? (Pr. 9:8)

Actions Steps:

1. Locate your 2-3 closest friends. DO NOT use this list with a general acquaintance. That would be weird.
2. Send him an email or a link with these questions. Ask him to answer honestly.
3. Or, join him for a road trip or barbecue and toss him a few questions.
4. If #3 goes well, try it again with new questions.
5. If this was helpful, consider asking these similar questions to your wife.