Marriage is a mystery and a remarkable creation of God. On Friday a man could be free and beholden to no one and by Saturday afternoon he’s attached to a woman for the rest of his life. Martin Luther said about the first year of marriage: “One wakes up in the morning and finds a pair of pigtails on the pillow which were not there before.” 

The following posts are about choosing your pigtails wisely. 

One of the longest chapters in the Bible is devoted to discovering God’s will. Genesis 24 has sixty-seven verses. It tells the story of Abraham’s servant seeking a bride for Isaac. From this account we find ten principles for finding a wife. It was written thousands of years ago, but the truths found therein can still help men find a godly wife today. Proverbs 18:22 says: “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.”

A man must balance his eagerness when seeking a wife. On the one hand, he can move too quickly. Spurgeon cautioned men on this point, saying “Don’t be in a hurry to tie what you cannot untie. Marriage is one of these things.” On the other hand, a man can dawdle and wait too long. So, in the meantime, urgently wait.

Here’s step one in finding a wife: sheep don’t marry goats.

SHEEP DON’T MARRY GOATS

The first mark a Christian man must look for in a woman is spiritual life. Conversion is a non-negotiable. If the prospective girl is not a believer, he must look elsewhere. Jesus said there are only two kinds of people: believers or unbelievers; sheep or goats. Either you have the Holy Spirit or you don’t (Rm. 8:9). According to Matthew 25:31, the Son of Man will separate the sheep from the goats on judgement day. Sheep may only marry other sheep. 

Abraham asked his servant Eliezer to take a wife for his son Isaac. But he demanded that she mustn’t come “from the daughters of the Canaanites” (v. 3). The Canaanites were known for their pagan religion, worship of idols, and rejection of the one true God. 

Just as Abraham demanded belief in the Lord as the first requirement for marriage, so too should we. The Old Testament teaches that Christians should not marry unbelievers. Consider the following two passages:

• Ez. 9:1-2, “The people of Israel and the priests and the Levites have not separated themselves from the peoples of the lands with their abominations, from the Canaanites…for they have taken some of their daughters to be wives for themselves and for their sons.”
• Neh. 13:29-27, “I saw the Jews who had married women of Ashdod…and I confronted them and cursed them and beat some of them and pulled out their hair. And I made them take an oath in the name of God, saying, ‘You shall not give your daughters to their sons, or take their daughters for your sons or for yourselves. ²⁶ Did not Solomon king of Israel sin on account of such women? Among the many nations there was no king like him, and he was beloved by his God…Nevertheless, foreign women made even him to sin. ²⁷ Shall we then listen to you and do all this great evil and act treacherously against our God by marrying foreign women?”

The New Testament also teaches that Christians should not marry unbelievers. Second Corinthians 6:14 says, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers.” Just as it would be foolish to plow a field with two animals of different natures—like an ox and an elephant—so too is it foolish for a Christian to enter a relationship with one who is dead in sin. 

First Cor. 7:39 tells Christian widows that they may only remarry believers: “If her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.” Widow Douglas is free to wed a man that is short or tall, poor or rich, athletic or clumsy, Nigerian or French, brilliant or dense—just so long as Christ dwells within him. The one prohibition is that he mustn’t be a goat. 

Many in the church resist this truth. Here are some common excuses. 

1. “I’ll convert her”. This person wants to use marriage as an evangelistic tool, though Scripture never allows this. Most likely it’s the unbelieving spouse that will pull the heart of the believer away from Christ, as did the wives of Solomon. “When Solomon was old his wives turned away his heart after other gods, and his heart was not wholly true to the Lord” (1Kng 11:4). 
2.  “She’s a moral person.” The unbelieving prospective wife may be sweet and kind and respectful on the outside. But Scripture describes unbelievers as totally depraved, as “dead in trespasses and sins” (Eph. 2:1) and children of Satan (Jn. 8:44). No one is a “good person” accept God (Mk. 10:18). “None is righteous, no, not one” (Rm. 3:10). 
3.  “I’ll just window shop, not buy.” It’s foolish to shop for groceries that God forbids. Dating an unbeliever is like baking a cake with no intent to eat it. Samson thought he could toy with Delilah, but eventually the strongest man was overcome by a woman he could lift with one hand. 

Summary: Godly young men must never marry or even pursue a lady that is not a Christian.