Part 1: Debated Texts on Gender Roles

Sin brings sparks of conflict to marriage. Connect jumper cables to a battery and you’ll find flickers and flashes when touching red on black. After the Fall, Eve became like the negative-charge, desiring to usurp her husband’s authority. Adam became like the positive-charge, tempted to rule his wife harshly. Put them together and…boom.

But marriage doesn’t guarantee relational explosions. There is hope. A clear understanding of Genesis 3:16 will save husbands and wives from fireworks and heartaches.  

Context

The theme of Genesis 3 is the Fall, the term referring to Adam and Eve’s disobedience in which they lost their perfect relationship with God. Genesis 3 explains where sin came from and why problems exist on earth. It shows why 45% of all US marriages end in divorce and an unthinkable 95% of all marriages end in divorce in Portugal. It illustrates why a quarter of all South African divorces happen before the fifth year. Sin from the Fall brought so much fragility to marriage that young people have stopped walking the aisles. An oft-divorced Hollywood actress once called the institution of marriage as dead as the dodo bird. Hence, the US marriage rate has decreased by 54% since 1900. In 1920, 92% of women married. By 2020, it was 31%.

In the garden, God told Adam and Eve to avoid the fruit from one tree, saying: “From the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, you shall not eat from it; for in the day that you eat from it you will surely die” (2:17). Eve was tempted by Satan, disobeyed, and ate the fruit. She gave the fruit to her husband and he ate. This plunged the human race into sin (Rm. 5:12). The fall is an ocean of misery, as Thomas Watson said. 

Sin brings three kinds of death. Adam lived for 930 years, then died, bringing about physical death. “It is appointed for man to die once” (Hb. 9:27). Sin brings spiritual death. “For the wages of sin is death” (Rm. 6:23). Sin also yields eternal death. “Their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the second death” (Rv. 21:8). 

The Serpent’s Penalty 

After the fall, God leveled punishment upon three groups: Satan, Eve, and Adam. His penalties were made up of three parts: the crime, the curse, and the consequence.

God first addresses the crime of the “serpent,” Satan, for his offense of tempting Eve to sin (v. 14). He curses the snake and all animals, including “cattle”, subjecting them to “futility”, death, and decay (Rm. 8:20-21). He especially curses the serpent (perhaps having had arms and legs) by making it slither. The Lord then turns his anger to the spiritual serpent, Satan (v. 15). The consequence of his crime will be “enmity” and hostility between Satan’s children (unbelievers) and the woman’s seed (Jesus Christ and his children, Christians). Satan will “bruise” Christ, bringing harm but not defeat. On the cross, the Messiah will crush the “head” of Satan, bringing total defeat.  

Adam’s Penalty

Adam’s crime was not just eating the fruit. It was being led by his wife. Instead of guiding his bride as commanded, he followed her and ate the forbidden fruit (v. 17). First John 3:4 defines sin as “lawlessness,” a good description of our first parents’ actions. They broke the law. God cursed the ground by rounding up thorns and thistles (vv. 17-18). The consequence is that work won’t be fun anymore (v. 19) and Adam will have to sweat day and night. Today, this means crab fishermen work triple shifts in hurricane-like conditions and farmers spend billions trying to kill witchweed in their fields. 

Everything is straightforward thus far. A crime is committed, then a curse and consequence  follow.

Eve’s Penalty

Eve’s section (v. 16) is shorter than the other two and the pattern of crime/curse/consequence adjusts slightly because Eve’s crime is not listed. This is because a big slice of Genesis 3 is given to her offence. There’s no need to restate it. This leaves her curse and her consequence. 

God not only cursed Eve but focused it on her primary role as a woman. Judgment came upon Adam’s primary responsibility—working the earth—meaning God cursed the means by which he brought home the bacon. Likewise, judgment came upon the woman’s primary responsibility—her relationship with her husband and bearing children. Because by nature women are domestic, nest-builders and the bearers of children, God cursed her central role in that she would feel pain in childbirth. 

The consequence comes in the second half of verse 16, in which considerable debate surrounds two words: “desire” and “rule”. What do these words mean and are they positive or negative?

“Desire”

The KJV, LSB, and NIV say that the “woman’s desire” will be for her husband. The Hebrew word for “desire” means to love or hold a strong emotion for something. There’s no verb in the phrase, literally: “Your desire towards your man…” Some believe this action is positive, something like “a woman will show affection and devotion towards her husband.”

However, “desire” is most likely used negatively here, meaning the woman will be at war with her husband. In marriage there will be a battle of wills. The wife will strive to usurp her husband’s authority. Three reasons make this view persuasive. First is the context. As we’ve seen, Scripture is describing the consequences of Eve’s infraction. Eve’s warm affection for her husband would not be a consequence of sin, as she was devoted to him before the Fall. Second, several Bible translations convey a negative meaning. The ESV says: “Your desire shall be contrary to your husband.” The NET: “You will want to control your husband.” 

Third, the parallel passage in Genesis 4:7 unlocks the meaning of Genesis 3:16. It’s the rare occurrence of this word “desire,” plus it accompanies the word “rule”. The Lord tells Cain that his sin of disobedience is like a lion crouching at the door. His sin’s “desire is for you” or contrary to him, meaning his evil heart wants to master and control him. The lion doesn’t want to snuggle. It wants to rip Cain limb from limb. Sin wants to devour. Similarly, one of the consequences of Eve’s sin is that she will “desire” to usurp her husband’s authority—a desire she can never fulfill. 

“Rule”

Some take the husband’s rule here as positive: “A husband will rule over her anyway.” This is possible, but I’m inclined to take it negatively. Something like: “The wife will try to usurp her husband and he’ll be tempted to rule over her harshly and in an unloving way.” The battle of the sexes is a great struggle in marriage and a terrible judgment. Again, Genesis 4:7 helps us interpret. Cain is not to “rule” over his sin gently but dominate it. 

Thus, Genesis 3:16 means that because of sin, wives will be tempted to boss their husbands, undermine their authority, ridicule his decisions, and wear the pants in the home. Conversely, the husband will lean towards conquer and rule over his wife. He’ll want to lead her harshly like a drill sergeant with a whip rather than gently like a captain bringing his ship safely to port. 

In sum, women want to wear the pants because of sin. Matthew Henry said: “If man had not sinned, he would always have ruled with wisdom and love; and, if the woman had not sinned, she would always have obeyed with humility and meekness.”

Applications

One can pull a host of lessons from this passage. First, a reversal of marital roles brought about the Fall. Eve sinned by usurping Adam’s headship and Adam sinned by acting passively, allowing his wife to be deceived. It’s not sinful for a husband to listen to his wife (he must!) but it is wrong to abandon his headship in the home. He’ll carry the ultimate blame if he does (Rm. 5:12). 

Second, given the difficulty of marriage, Christians must marry Christians (2Cor. 6:14; 1Cor. 7:39). Unequal yokes make diamond anniversaries almost impossible. Third, sin didn’t create roles, it just complicated them. Adam was the leader of the home before the Fall, as was Eve his helper. Sin just made these roles more difficult.

Finally, only Jesus can overcome the curse in marriage. Isaac Watts was right when he wrote in “Joy to the World” that Jesus came “to make his blessings flow, far as the curse is found.” First, God gives new hearts. What follows is the skill to love one’s wife and submit to one’s husband in a way that glorifies Christ.