Sex before marriage is sinful (1Cor. 6:18). It is a beautiful act but only inside of marriage (Hb. 13:4). When Rebekah first saw Isaac, she didn’t fall into his arms. She acted purely and covered herself (v. 65).
Today, most couples fornicate before they marry, even though Scripture clearly commands God’s children to abstain (1Th. 4:3). The fires of sexual passion burn hottest just before the wedding. To avoid immorality, couples must establish some guidelines.
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Isaac gave many gifts to Rebekah and her family, like jewelry and costly clothing (Gen. 24: 53). In patrilineal African culture, the man pays lobola (the bride price) to the family. In the past this came through cattle. Now it’s usually cash.
In Western culture, men also pay lobola in the form of an engagement ring, and it’s given to his fiancée, not her parents. Both of these practices show that the man is serious. He’s put skin in the game to show that he won’t back out before the wedding. He’s proving that he can be trusted and can provide.
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No woman should ever be forced to marry a man. Genesis 2:24 says a man leaves his mother and father to marry his wife. A husband doesn’t drag the woman to his home. She comes happily, with a spring in her step.
As was the case with Rebekah, the parents should give their consent before the marriage. They said: “Behold, Rebekah is before you; take her and go, and let her be the wife of your master’s son, as the Lord has spoken.” The woman should also consent. Genesis 24:58 says: “And they called Rebekah and said to her, ‘Will you go with this man?’ She said, ‘I will go.’”
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To shoot straight means to tell the truth. A straight shooter gets to the point, no stories. After Eliezer met Rebekah’s parents, the family set a delicious spread before him. But before Eliezer could enjoy the tasty meal, he delivered an important message (Gen. 24:33-51).
He clearly set out his purposes in coming. He told the whole truth and wasn’t deceptive with his plans. Isaac wasn’t interested in playing games. He wanted a wife and this was the purpose of the visit.
Because women can easily be hurt, men must treat them with sensitivity. Young men have broken this rule innumerable times in every culture and in every era. It comes in four different forms.
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There’s a difference between courting and dating. Courting is purposeful dating. Couples often date just for fun or pleasure, while the purpose of courting is to find a spouse. Courting also involves the parents, whereas dating is more independent.
In Genesis 24, notice how often the parents are involved. From the start, Eliezer seeks them out. He quickly asks about her parents (v. 23) and she swiftly connects herself to her father (v. 24). Parents and siblings were involved from start to finish (vv. 28-50). On behalf of Abraham and Isaac, Eliezer asks permission from Rebekah’s parents to pursue her (v.49).
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A young man with no money and no job is not ready to pursue a woman in marriage. But a man with work and cash in his pocket has earned the right to seek a bride. This is because one of the three central roles of a man is to provide. A husband “nourishes” his wife (Eph. 5:29), which includes putting food on the table.
Eliezer proved Isaac was a man of means by giving Rebekah golden rings and bracelets (v. 22). Notice, this was not part of the bride price. Long before marriage was discussed, this jewelry served as an initial gift to show that Isaac’s team wasn’t working on the cheap. He had the means to provide for her.
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Usually, the first thing that attracts a man to a woman is her beauty. God made males to admire an attractive female—her angelic voice, the gentle curves of her body, and the softness of her touch. Moses acknowledged that the men of Israel would “see among the captives a beautiful woman” and then “desire to take her” for his wife (Dt 21:11).
Guys want women to be beautiful and women want to look beautiful. South Africa spends R10 million annually just on female hair products. The Bible usually speaks about a lady’s beauty in positive terms, presenting it as a blessing from God. Here are some examples:
Continue readingPart 1: Debated Texts on Gender Roles
Sin brings sparks of conflict to marriage. Connect jumper cables to a battery and you’ll find flickers and flashes when touching red on black. After the Fall, Eve became like the negative-charge, desiring to usurp her husband’s authority. Adam became like the positive-charge, tempted to rule his wife harshly. Put them together and…boom.
But marriage doesn’t guarantee relational explosions. There is hope. A clear understanding of Genesis 3:16 will save husbands and wives from fireworks and heartaches.
Continue reading–– Paul Schlehlein
The audio version of this article is available here: YouTube, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify.
Mark it down as another win for feminism after South Africa’s highest courts recently ruled that a husband can legally take the surname of his wife, overturning a law that once barred them from doing so.
What has long been a common practice in Europe has now made its way to Africa, as the South African Constitutional Court decided that the previous law which only allowed male surnames in marriage, was a “colonial import” and did not promote gender equality. This came after both an Afrikaans and an English husband sued for not being allowed to take their respective wives’ surnames.
Continue reading–– Paul Schlehlein
The audio version of this article is available here: YouTube, Apple Podcasts, or Spotify.
Beauty products make big money around the world. The beauty industry generates over $650 billion in revenue worldwide. In 2023, South Africa alone spent $6 billion on beauty products. South Korea leads the world in skin care products, spending $7 billion in 2023. Just the hair industry in South Africa is worth nearly R10 million, as weaves, wigs, and waves make big business in beauty salons and on social media. The cosmetics industry is taking off in countries like Ghana and Kenya, with Nigeria anticipated to be the rising star.
Lest the reader questions how much men value beauty, in late 2024 King Mswati III (age 56) married the daughter of former South African president Jacob Zuma. She was twenty-one, becoming his sixteenth wife.
Continue reading–– Paul Schlehlein
Podcast edition: Youtube – Spotify – Apple Podcasts
One of the central roles to which God calls men is to protect women.
Husbands and fathers should protect their families spiritually. God told “the man” not to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil” (Gn. 3:17) but he failed to protect his wife from the serpent who induced her to sin (Gn. 3:6). This is why the Adam was ultimately responsible for Eve’s sin (Rm. 5:20).
Husbands and fathers should their families physically and emotionally. Men should be willing to die for their wives, not the other way around. Christ laid down his life for his bride (Eph. 5:25), similar to how husbands should give up themselves for their wives.
Continue readingOne of the arguments people use to minimize the sinfulness of modern-day polygamy—especially in Africa—is the apparent blind eye God has towards it in the Old Testament. John Reisinger writes: “There is no instance in the Old Testament Scripture that suggests, in any way, that polygamy was a sin. This does not prove that polygamy was not a sin, but it does prove that God never treated it as a sin.” John Mbiti is even more direct:
Christians who uphold monogamy as the only acceptable form of marriage before God, tell us that this is what the Bible teaches. They go on to tell us that polygamy is a sin. I have searched the Bible carefully and one of the staggering things concerning marriage is that the Bible does not treat marriage in terms of either monogamy or polygamy.
Whether or not Scripture explicitly forbids polygamy is fodder for another day’s war. The issue here is whether God’s relative silence about the patriarch’s polygamy implies tacit approval. I say no. Here are some sins in Genesis by righteous people.
1) Noah gets drunk (Gen. 9:21) – No rebuke from God.
2) Abraham lies (12:10-20) – No rebuke. In fact, God punishes Pharaoh.
3) Lot impregnates his daughters (19:30-38) – No rebuke
4) Abraham lies again (20) – Abraham not rebuked…but Abimelech is!
5) Jacob deceives his brother (25:31-33) – No rebuke
6) Isaac lies (26:6-11) – No rebuke, but more blessings! (12)
7) Jacob deceives father (27) – No rebuke, just more blessing (23)
8) Jacob tricks Laban (31:20) – No rebuke
Assuming no one would use these stories to support drunkenness, incest, or dishonesty, why then polygamy? Surveying the other 38 books in the OT would bring endless more examples. The point is that God’s disapproval of polygamy in the OT is clear. It shouts at us, but not in propositional form. Rather, the narrative paints for us the ugly picture of family squabbles, marital tension, painful neglect, discarded children, broken promises and unquenched jealousy.
After all, we are never explicitly told that the prodigal son was wrong for squandering his wealth. Just look at the consequences.