Review: Manly Dominion

Posted on October 13, 2015 by Paul Schlehlein

Mark Chanski, Calvary Press, 2004, 247 pages, 3 of 5 stars

Here is a meat and potatoes manual on masculinity and the husband/father’s role in the home.

Mark Chanski is a seasoned pastor and father of five, and may have penned this while wearing a hunting knife and camo. He’s a tough guy with a soft heart. He gives the kind of wisdom your father did while chopping wood: work hard, career-plan early, don’t be a perfectionist, rear your children, think clearly, learn a trade. The teen and grandfather would equally benefit. Some chapters are only three pages long.

The best section was on “vocational laboring” but a survey of his 31 chapters shows the author’s wide swath of subjects: “Our Sinful Children”, “Evaluating Dating”, “Assertive Talking”, “Family Devotions”, “Job Hunting”. His excerpt from John Abbott’s The Mother at Home (©1833) was a gem.

Chanski shines in his section on decision-making. He blasts the subjective leading of the Holy Spirit. “Asking God for life directing impressions, is asking God for fresh special revelations. This is wrong and unbiblical.” (86) Since we all know of people who are so heavenly minded they are no earthly good, Chanski tells the humorous story of going to a wooded area to cut trees and his partner said: “Don’t you think we should first pray and ask God which tree we should cut down first?”

In sum, this book motivated me to be a better husband, father, and Christian. I learned nothing new and the well-turned phrases were few but the content was winsome, true, and masculine. I’ll give this book to my sons when they turn thirteen. I’ll read it with them, too.

Excerpts

Unemployment can mentally, emotionally, and spiritually shake a man to his foundations. A man without work can become like waters without current. Standing water soon putrefies into a scummy pond. (68)
Though carnal sounding, cash is the fuel that runs the kingdom machinery. Many kingdom ships that could be launched end up rotting in the harbor due to lack of funds. Were it not for generous financial supporters, the great missionary Adoniram Judson would never have set sail for Burma. (78)
[Quoting John Murray] This view of the Holy Spirit’s guidance [i.e. feelings, impressions, convictions] amounts, in effect, to the same thing as to believe that the Holy Spirit gives special revelation. (88)
The lives of many women have become barren wildernesses because they’ve been neglected by uncommunicative husbands; men who indulge themselves in selfish silence, men who are stingy with their words, men whose typical answer is one of no comment, men who like Adam in the snake infested garden leave it to their wives to do the talking. (179)
Do you really want your children to experience everything you’ve experienced? Most of us believing parents, whose youth mirrored [promiscuous teen years] are ashamed of many of our actions, and can only marvel at God’s grace that kept us from destroying our souls. In reality, we’re just the survivors, and some very scarred survivors at that, while many of our peers passed through this cultural minefield and lost their souls. (234)

Should Parents Discipline Their Children When Angry?

Posted on March 4, 2015 by Paul Schlehlein

I once heard a pastor say: “All displays of anger are sinful.” It’s also been said that parents should never discipline their children in anger. Is that true? When Johnny foments discord, or hits his sister, or disrespects his mother, is it ever valid for his father to show anger in voice or mannerisms? Consider this.

First, there are a number of causes for anger, some good and some bad. Some evil roots would be rejection (Gen. 4:5), a lack of love (1 Cor. 13:5) and the desire to repay evil for evil (1 Pt. 3:9). Men no doubt battle the sin of anger more than women do (1 Tim. 2:8). Some positive causes of anger would be Spirit-filling (1 Sam. 11:6) and seeing the hardheartedness of others (Ps. 7:11, Neh. 5:6-7).

Second, Christians are encouraged by precept and example to be angry but in control. In Ephesians 4:26, Paul gives an imperative: “Be angry and do not sin.” The Greek verb behind this command is used often in the LXX, both of man’s anger and God’s. The examples are laden with emotion, as when Jacob berates his father-in-law for pestering his family (Gen. 31:36) and Moses is irate at Israel’s idolatry (Ex. 32:19).

Third, we cannot say that anger is intrinsically evil, since God often expresses His fury. God is said to “burn” with wrath (Ex. 22:24) everyday (Ps. 7:11), this often toward his covenant people (Jdg. 2:14). God, however, always controls His anger—never sinning in the process.

Fourth, human anger should be emotional. Are we really to believe that Jesus internalized all of His wrath, biting His lip as wickedness abounded around Him? In Mark 3:5, Jesus is “angry”, this word followed by “grieved” to show the strong emotional aspect of Jesus’ wrath. Jesus was even aggressive in His anger (Mt. 21:12).

Fifth, and this is where we answer the question about parents, the Bible is loaded with qualifiers regarding anger. Christians should control their anger (Pr. 14:29), confront people directly (Mt. 5:21-22), avoid befriending angry people (Pr. 22:24-25), use soft words (Pr. 15:1), and learn to assuage people’s anger by de-emphasizing their own accomplishments (Jdg. 7:24-8:3). But never are people, and parents specifically, told to avoid anger altogether. It is true that Ephesians 4:31 tells us to put away “wrath”, but this is certainly an anger that is malicious in nature.

Moreover, all emotions, just like words, communicate something. When Suzie excels, we affirm with words and all the smiles and clapping motions. When our ten year-old is in a moment of rebellion, why should we feel more godly when we say with a stoic face and measured tone: “Son, sassing your mother was not the best thing to do. Please go to your room”? Jay Adams observes: “Anger in administering disciplinary codes must be thought of as within the code. Modern advice that parents should never administer discipline when angry is not biblical. Because anger is not wrong, one apologizes not for anger, but only, for instance, for losing one’s temper in the discipline of children.”

If anger should be emotionless, how are our children to tell which things angers father the most? Is it when the football team loses, when he hammers his thumb, or when his children disrespect authority? In most homes, the former two come with high emotion. Parents would do best to move that emotion to the latter, being sure to accompany this anger with all of the Scripture’s qualifiers.

Is It Ever Right to Deceive My Wife?

Posted on September 16, 2013 by Paul Schlehlein

Some time back, a Mr. Johnson wrote a post asserting that it is always sinful for individuals to affirm in speech or action something they believe to be false (I’m using Grudem’s definition here, who believes all lying is sinful but not all deceit). Johnson took his mower to the whole field of lying and in one swath condemned any kind of untruth. My good friend Seth generally agreed with him and took his place in the passenger seat, along with John Murray and Augustine in the back. Interestingly, Johnson first quotes the genre of general principles for his dogmatism (Prov. 6:16). His final conclusion he calls “simple”.

But hold your combine just a minute. Peter encourages us in 1 Peter 3:10: “Let him keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit”, a direct quote from Ps. 34:13. The heading of this psalm says: “Of David, when he changed his behavior before Abimelech, so that he drove him out, and he went away.”

So David could not have thought of his deceiving act of madness before the king of Gath in the same category as sinful deceit in v. 13. Thus, it’s not that simple. An ESV note for this chapter says David does not “deny the importance of the faithful using of wits in desperate situations.” Perhaps “does this make me look fat” questions from our wives count as desperate situations.

Which leads to Seth’s astute observation: should we be able to lie to our wives so we don’t hurt their feelings? Okay.

Suppose I’m counseling a couple who also happen to be friends with my wife. In our conversation the wife is Jezbellian in her rudeness to me. I know my shoulders are broad enough to carry this offense and that my wife, as the weaker vessel in this regard, will be tempted to retaliate Ahab-style when we meet together as couples later that month. So when the missus asks me how our time went, I say: “It went fine”.

Isn’t this wisdom, an effort to live with my wife “in an understanding way”, as the apostle says in 1 Peter 3:7 just a few verses before the deceit passage? Doesn’t this kind of withholding of truth belong in the same milieu where deceit is legitimate, such as parables, war, and the flea-flicker? Of course husbands should model truthfulness, should not consistently keep their wives in the dark, and should make grand efforts to inform them of their highs and lows.

But is this the case every time? Is this situation to be viewed as sinfully deceitful? I don’t think so.

A Parent’s Persistent Prayer

Posted on August 19, 2013 by Paul Schlehlein

The Canaanite’s daughter was wasting away, but when the Mother heard that the Healer was in town, she pounced on him like a dog on a flung stick.

Her story in Matthew 15 is full of emotional upheaval, packed tightly with passionate appeal and near embarrassing groveling. Mom cries (v. 22). Jesus flat ignores her (v. 23). Mom follows the Healer’s friends, only for the disciples to beg Jesus to “send her away” (v. 23). Mom then ignores an apparent racist comment (v. 24). Mom kneels and pleads again (v. 25).

Jesus then says he came to help another race of people. Talk about racial discrimination. But Jesus was testing her faith.

With brazen chutzpah, the Mom pleads again: “Help me” (v. 25). Jesus continues to examine her motives, and as often the case with us, the child is right in the middle of it. Finally, as Spurgeon observed, “The Lord of glory surrenders to the faith of the woman.” Presto. Daughter healed.

Parents must emulate this woman’s dogged prayer. An outsider with so little light had so great faith. John Flavel said: “What mercy was it to us to have parents that prayed for us before they had us, as well as in our infancy when we could not pray for ourselves!” When our children rebel, and suffer, and disobey, and falter, let us remember the “dog’s” tireless prayer from Matthew 15.

Let us pray with unfettered audacity: “Father, give my child a new heart.” With relentless appeals: “Lord, preserve my daughter from a life of rebellion.” With unstinting pleas: “May our sons in their youth be like plants full grown, our daughters like corner pillars cut for the structure of a palace” (Ps. 144:12).